Healing Your Inner Critic With Scott Grace

00:00.00Travis Whiteso add Hello and welcome to you Overcome a Mental Health Podcast. I'm excited to be here today and I'm excited to announce the our guest Scott Grace. Scott, how are you doing?00:14.87ScottGraceI'm great! Happy to be here, Travis.00:17.15Travis Whiteand00:19.89Travis WhiteBefore I turn the time over to Scott, um I want you to read a quick bio of him, and I'm hoping I can do this with a straight face. but Let's see how this goes.00:33.91Travis WhiteMorning, Scott Grace, who has been described as a cross between John Denver Robin Williams and Dr. Seuss is wanted by the authorities for creating the piece as well as defying the law of gravity with levity. context Contact with Scott is likely to be hazardous to your misery as he has provoked outbreaks of joy in four out of five laboratory humans.01:00.55Travis WhiteIt is illegal that Scott's work has not has self-threatened to cut into the sales of antidepressants that pharmaceutical companies have offered him millions to retire. Scott gives keynotes using stolen identity, aka the spirit of Dr. Seuss. His feel-good viruses on YouTube have infected over 2.5 million people just for of his Sushian videos. Scott has been known to practice life coaching without a license, eluding the police by working on Zoom. He fancies himself an intuitive channel with who smuggles wisdom and guidance over the border from beings he calls spirit guides, or who are also not licensed and who have allegedly not01:46.43Travis Whitefiled a tax return in several lifetimes. As a front, Scott does do various legal above the board activities. He has written four books in his latin latest being Mindful Masculinity. Scott also has recorded nine CDs, Remember CDs, of his original music and comedy he presents.02:08.43Travis WhiteAs an inspirational guest speaker and singer at schools, and corporate events, as an occasional stand-up comedian in the Bay Area, he has shared the stage with Dana Carvey and Robin Williams. But don't be fooled, his rampage of song portraits custom-made personalized song gifts that horror people for their birthdays, anniversaries, or for no reason at all, have been killing people softly there's with their songs since 1987. Authorities would very much like your help in apprehending Scott. Try catching him at www.scot-songs dot.com or on YouTube or Facebook.02:53.63Travis WhiteAnd I'd like to now turn the time over to Scott and hear about how we can heal our inner critic.03:03.89ScottGraceWow, that was the first time I've ever heard that. That was great. Thank you. I am pleased to be here with you all. I have had quite a journey in my life with my inner critic.03:18.23ScottGraceAnd my intention is to help you shine a light upon it because it's usually in the dark. And that's why it's so painful because it's not conscious. And and when it's subconscious, yeah it hurts.03:39.17ScottGraceBut when you are conscious of it, you can choose to detach. And because knowledge is power, you can choose to listen to a different voice. So my inner critic was born, so to speak, when I was about seven years old. I remember I was stealing money from my parents. And I must have been a very angry young man. And they caught me.04:10.71ScottGracebut They knew it was me, but they they told me that they suspected my housekeeper, Eunice, who was like a second mother to me. And they said, is there anything you want to tell us, Scott? Because we're about to fire Eunice. We'll give you a few days. And it was the hardest few days of my life. And finally,04:39.39ScottGraceAll this fear and shame through it all came the three words, I did it. And my parents said, we're not gonna punish you because we see how hard you've been punishing yourself. And that experience, plus just many others like it, gave me the idea that if I punish myself enough,05:06.36ScottGraceI will be safer in this world. My parents, the if if everybody sees me being hard on myself, then they'll leave me alone and they'll have compassion for me. So the inner critic was born as a survival strategy to help me survive a troubled and sometimes traumatic world, let alone childhood. I got really good at it. I became really good at05:38.61ScottGracebeating myself up. In fact, i i I got to the feeling that all the addictions and distractions that were running my life were caused by this main addiction, the addiction to beating myself up. And so I looked around for a 12-step program to help me with that because i it it it was driving me to drink, do drugs, all kinds of sexual and codependency issues.06:09.87ScottGraceSo I thought, let's go to the root cause and deal with that addiction, the addiction to being hard on myself. And I couldn't find any 12-step group that dealt with it.06:21.79ScottGraceSo I started my own. And it was called Crit-a-holism. So I would get up there and I would speak and I would say, you know, I'm Scott Grace and I'm a Crit-a-holic.06:28.48Travis WhiteI like it.06:38.37ScottGraceAnd I would say my story. I wasn't always a critic, I used to be able to enjoy ah a few harmless judgments of myself and others at parties. But then as the disease progressed, I started waking up my day and just pouring some straight self-criticism in. I started criticizing myself while I was alone. And one day I was thinking and driving.07:07.76ScottGraceAnd I lived in California at the time and a policeman pulled me over and he said, do you know how, do you know how much you were criticizing yourself? I said, no, no officer. He said 84 thoughts per hour. And I said, Oh my God. He said, the limit is 65 here in California. I'm going to have to write you up.07:28.34ScottGraceOh, I said, please don't. So i had I had to go to court. And the judge let me be my own prosecuting attorney because he knew I had so much experience in that role. So I won my case. I was found guilty. And and yet, it was my first offense. So the judge let me off and sent me to a hospital that specialized in the treatment of what he suspected I had, which was chronic critique syndrome.07:59.42ScottGraceSo the doctors examined me and they were blunt. They said, you're in you're in critical condition. And if you don't learn to be more gentle with yourself, by the time you're in your 40s, you might have a cardiac arrest. And that's when I became committed to resting my critic for my mental health.08:29.63ScottGraceAnd yes, that was tongue in cheek. But I've written a lovely bunch of songs to help heal the inner critic, to soften it, to relax it.08:44.40ScottGraceAnd I'll share with you part of one.08:46.73Travis Whiteand Okay.08:48.47ScottGraceOnce I thought, by now I'd be Mr. Functionality. t Perfect.08:59.48ScottGraceand complete in every way.09:06.60ScottGraceI still get lost and then get found as I walk this sacred stumbling ground. I need to reassure me I'm okay.09:24.08ScottGracea Sometimes fumble in the dirt I have a heart that can feel hurt So I hear a voice of wisdom say Handle yourself with care a There's a precious child of God in there Handle yourself with care There's a precious child of God in there There's a judge inside I'm sometimes strong, convinced I'm doing my whole life wrong So quick to rise up to my prosecution10:21.80ScottGraceoh But as I grow, it's getting clear The judge is just a voice of fear Gentleness, my only real how can the child inside feel safe when I'm trying to whip myself in shame?10:52.16ScottGracea There must be a gentler way to grow a The petals of my heart open in a loving self-environment and you A flower grows and blooms when it's given the root a Handle yourself with care There's a precious child of God in there Handle yourself with care There's a precious child of God11:41.35ScottGracein a11:46.93Travis WhiteLove it. Love it. I love how you use music to help people heal.11:52.43ScottGraceYeah. Yeah, and to help myself heal. Primarily, I write songs for myself. And then lo and behold, other people are like me. They're working with the same issues.12:07.40Travis WhiteYeah. Yeah. Yes.12:09.80ScottGraceMy guitar almost fell. I fell and got it.12:11.27Travis WhiteNope. You're good. You're good.12:14.57ScottGraceYes.12:16.18Travis WhiteIt's amazing to me like how healing music music is.12:26.59ScottGraceYeah.12:30.36ScottGraceYeah. So you got to give me some something something to chew on here.12:30.62Travis Whitebut12:38.51ScottGraceI'm afraid of silence.12:40.57Travis WhiteI am too. I'm pulling up my notes really quick. I apologize. I had them here and then I opened up something to read your bio and then so they disappeared from my.12:56.01ScottGraceI've got it. I got it. I'm on a roll. So the inner critic is a voice of fear. That's what the the song just said.13:03.47Travis WhiteMm hmm.13:05.59ScottGraceSo one of my tools, one of the things that works for me when I find myself in critical condition, when I'm you know disapproving and beating up on myself for the choices or just you know feeling blah, is i I dialogue with the inner critic and I say, you know, I'm curious, what what are you worried about or afraid of? um And over the years I've developed a relationship. So critic might say, I'm afraid you're not gonna make enough money. I'm afraid if you don't apply yourself, you're you're just not gonna be happy. I'm afraid that it has to be done really soon that you're way out of time13:54.81ScottGraceI'm afraid that you're going to die, and God's going to say, you better go back. You didn't learn your lessons.14:03.15ScottGraceyeah It goes on and on. but And then I listen, and I say, well, thank you.14:04.81Travis WhiteYeah.14:10.10ScottGraceAnd what what do you want? you know like Do you want me to be happy? Yes, I want you to be happy. So the inner critic is ah is like a life coach.14:22.21ScottGracethat is on the sidelines of your life. And it learned how to support you and cheer you on by people who were afraid. And so it's developed a strategy of encouraging you by by making you afraid, by making you feel bad.14:44.71Travis WhiteYeah. And this, this speaks volumes to like, my inner critic is definitely like, to me speaking about my anxiety, which is something I deal with every single day. And it's, it's exactly the same thing that you were just saying. It's like, am I good enough? Am I, am I, do you want me to do more God? Do you want me to like, am I going to make it past today? Um, so.15:14.66Travis WhiteWhat like go off of kind of like people who feel like they're not good enough? but what What do you say to those people?15:28.30ScottGraceMay I um speak personally to you, Travis?15:31.91Travis WhiteYou sure can.15:33.65ScottGraceOkay. Yeah. Cause you're in the room. I can connect with you.15:42.11ScottGraceFirst of all, what I'm sensing is that it's a lifelong journey and it's, it's.15:55.96ScottGraceWe all come in with life lessons and that are going to be ah worked with for term most, if not all, of our life. And and we live in a society that think that makes us think, oh, let me snap my fingers, pop an affirmation, get on a meditation cushion. And in a few months, I'll be i'll be confident and clear and feel much better about myself and never procrastinate or whatever. And and really,16:32.87ScottGracewow, what a crock. The standards that we were taught to hold ourselves to are impossible, unrealistic. And the inner critic comes along with a whipping stick and says,16:50.99ScottGraceYou're not doing it. you're You're not living up to the standards. So one thing I would say is is question your standards. who Who gave you those standards? What is their purpose? are Are they true and real for you? Or do they come from the heart? And give yourself a lot of patience because that not good enough voice is a voice of fear.17:22.64ScottGraceAnd it's also the voice of maybe parents and teachers and and the whole vibe of the culture. you know the Even the advertising industry takes advantage of, you know you're not enough, but you'll feel enough when you buy our product.17:41.61ScottGraceSo let's let's see what comes out with the guitar.17:44.89Travis WhiteOkay.17:45.53ScottGraceEvery day you deal with anxiety And mental patterns you wish you were free of Yet you get up and you do your best e18:14.19ScottGraceFantasizing about being a success say As if God is displeased That just ain't the truth You've been loved and protected Ever since your youth18:41.80ScottGraceIt's gonna be alright. In fact, it already is. It's just for you to learn to self-forgive.18:56.46ScottGracee It's a lifetime of practicing. It's how you find your angel wings. Smile upon yourself.19:10.88ScottGraceAnd forgive. a19:18.17Travis WhiteI think, too, that's the hardest part. um It's talking that song about forgiving yourself.19:27.03ScottGraceYes.19:27.44Travis WhiteAnd that doesn't always come too easily.19:31.90ScottGraceYeah, yeah it's it's an it's an old habit that needs a new habit.19:40.78Travis WhiteAnd another thing I want to touch base on on what you said was when you were talking about the self affirmations and stuff, we can be told to repeat them in our head all the time. But until we really actually subconsciously learn how to like catch us in our worst moments, like they don't help, at least not for me.20:06.00ScottGraceYeah, yeah, screw those affirmations. when When I'm down to a certain level of self-pity, it's not affirmations that help. it's for For me, it's a a good cry.20:25.55ScottGracemaybe singing, dancing, asking for love, asking for a hug, um asking telling people I care about. I have temporarily forgotten who I am. Could you remind me? What do you see when you look into my eyes?20:43.45Travis WhiteYeah, that's that's really good.20:44.16ScottGracethat's that's Yeah, yeah.20:48.27Travis WhiteAnd I think um I think it's important to have a good cry. For me, it's a lot of, I like to surround myself with um people that will listen to me.20:59.83Travis WhiteAnd sometimes I don't always want like, I don't always want them to say anything.21:02.45ScottGraceYeah. Yeah.21:06.20Travis WhiteThere's times I do, but I guess it depends on the moment.21:08.56ScottGraceYeah.21:08.41Travis WhiteBut I think someone to sit there, you know what?21:11.68ScottGraceThere's a work I do online called Authentic Relating.21:11.48Travis WhiteHow are you really feeling? Like what's going on in your mind? So, but I, I enjoyed the good cry as well.21:23.49ScottGraceyeah there's so there's a work i do online called authentic relating And it's it's a ah tribe of people all over the world and we practice deep listening, deep authentic sharing and no fixing.21:42.75ScottGraceAnd that's beautiful stuff. I feel closer to some of these people I've met online than I do with with ah people in my life in the flesh.21:54.88ScottGraceAnd it's because of this practice of really taking each other in and21:57.42Travis WhiteMm hmm.22:00.33ScottGraceand not judging and not fixing.22:04.53Travis WhiteCan you dive in a little bit more on what you mean by like not fixing, like just kind of the meaning behind it and what you.22:10.99ScottGraceYeah, well, okay. Well, when people share something, they they want something back.22:17.68Travis WhiteMm hmm.22:20.39ScottGraceAnd we come from a culture that doesn't really teach people how to be self-aware around this. So I teach. If somebody says, you know, I want to talk to you about blah, blah, blah. Uh, what cap I would say, what would you like from me? What would you like me to put on my just listen cap? Or do you want me to problem solve with you? Do you want my feedback? What are you looking for? So they get conscious of what they're they're wanting in return. I don't like it when people just vent. I like.22:54.79ScottGraceI get turned off by that, but when they say, you know, I have some feelings and I'd love to be heard, do you have a moment to hear me?22:54.23Travis WhiteYeah.23:03.50ScottGraceThat's that that's that's much much easier, yeah.23:05.27Travis WhiteIt's different, yeah.23:07.96ScottGraceSo fixing is is ah yeah often out of really beautiful intentions, you know, caring, and and very very often it's a man in this position, and it's a woman who who is,23:24.10ScottGracetalking to him, just wanting his caring, his empathy, his presence. And he says, well, have you gone to that chiropractor?23:34.33ScottGraceOr, you know, wait, I'll fix it. And she just doesn't doesn't feel heard.23:38.92Travis WhiteNot.23:40.95ScottGraceSometimes his desire to fix comes from the insecurity and anxiety that he's feeling because he doesn't know how to hold space for emotions, his emotions or hers. And if I don't let myself be sad or mad or you know anxious, if i if I don't connect empathically to myself, I'm not gonna really be able to listen to anyone else. And part of the way that I deflect listening is by trying to fix or judge.24:18.20Travis WhiteYeah.24:19.78ScottGraceYeah.24:19.52Travis WhiteAnd I feel, I feel like in situations like that, when somebody like tries to fix me, it, I feel like it doesn't take care of the, the real situation at hand. Like I want it to.24:32.32ScottGraceyeah Yeah. Yeah. And so part of it is the responsibility of the one who's talking. it24:41.00Travis WhiteHmm.24:42.25ScottGraceto get into the habit of saying, what i what I would love for you to do right now is just listen, maybe make some nonverbal noises like, oh, you know, whatever.24:52.77Travis WhiteYeah.24:55.28ScottGraceBut to really give specific detailed GPS type of instructions on what you want back from the person.25:04.05Travis WhiteYeah. Makes sense. Being basically just being more vocal about what you're expecting.25:10.62ScottGraceIndeed.25:13.15Travis WhiteWhich is. Yeah, I haven't always been good with that, but25:21.23Travis Whitethrough throughout my marriage I've been learning I said I should say especially my marriage I haven't been always good at that but now I'm i'm learning to do a lot better.25:32.88ScottGraceGood for you. Yeah, that's the best training ground in town and intimate relationship.25:40.84ScottGraceYeah. So what I've been doing lately is writing down any thought that has the energy of should in it.25:52.34ScottGraceI have like a should journal. And every time I feel this tension,25:55.40Travis WhiteOkay.25:58.22ScottGraceand I know that that i'm I'm telling myself I should do this differently, or I should get started on that, or I should clean the house. I write it down. and And I look at my list, and this is why my my latest book is called Mindful Masculinity, a book for men and the women who love them, because mindfulness, let's say awareness of what I'm thinking,26:26.53ScottGraceis illuminating and it frees me to laugh at what I've been thinking, to change what I'm thinking, to detach from the emotional reactions from what I'm thinking. So I think it's a good idea to see if you're just like full of shoulds, where did those shoulds come from? Did they come from parents, culture, society?26:51.00Travis WhiteMm hmm.26:52.19ScottGraceyour own, it doesn't matter really, you don't have to analyze them, but just just to be able to see them. And it occurred to me that I'm i'm dominated. My thoughts are dominated by should thinking.27:07.38ScottGraceeight27:11.52ScottGraceSo what do I do?27:11.70Travis WhiteYeah.27:12.72ScottGraceOne of my defense mechanisms and one of my gifts is to bring humor to something really hard and painful.27:13.12Travis WhiteYeah.27:21.41Travis Whiteyeah27:23.75ScottGraceSo I have this, you you're on the verge of wanting to say something. um that is27:27.76Travis WhiteYeah, I was, I was just going to say the the humor thing. It's a for me, cause I'm, I'm a very sarcastic, smart, elky person. If you really get to know me and I find the humor thing being a blessing at a curse at the same time, right I can go in and laugh at anything, but there's moments where I'm like, okay, I shouldn't have said that.27:38.58ScottGraceYeah. Yeah.27:52.20Travis WhiteAnd I need to learn to respond to that type of situation differently.27:56.93ScottGraceSure. Yeah. So I wrote a bunch of songs and a bunch of poems as my altered ego, the spiritual Dr. Seuss.28:09.71ScottGraceAnd many of them deal with this critical voice. So let me lay one on you, or at least part of it.28:14.90Travis WhiteOkay.28:16.11ScottGraceSo my critic travels with me on this earth, and is my companion for worse or worse? It pretends it's my friend, my bestest amigo. And it pours on the guilt. That's the drink of my ego. It's there to protect me, to help me be strong. So it has to remind me I'm doing it wrong. I'm weak and I'm lazy and I don't have a clue. That's my drill sergeant critic trying to motivate me.28:52.13ScottGraceMy critic wants me to be all I can be, so it gives me these pep talks all day and for free. Oh, the places I go and the guilt trips I travel, as the critic plays judge and bangs down on its gavel. But I always can get some relief from my shame by projecting it onto the others I blame. For that is my critic at its beastiest best.29:21.53ScottGraceIt nurses its grievances close to its chest. Republicans, liberals, your parents, my ex, the world is just teeming with folks to correct.29:33.20ScottGraceIf only those fools could conform to my ways, I could get on with life without further delays.29:43.06ScottGraceNow this is a six minute poem. It doesn't end there, but I think I'll stop for the purpose of our podcast. It does have a happy ending.29:49.24Travis WhiteYeah.29:51.79Travis Whiteit And how did you, how did you come up with the that alter ego?29:58.26ScottGraceI had been ah reading Dr. Seuss to my daughter. She was two years old. And one night I read read her one of his books, tucked her in, and then I couldn't get his voice and his rhyming scheme, his style, out of my head. And I sat with that. And I moved around a couple of days.30:22.09ScottGracejust everything was like Dr. Seuss. I'm glad I trusted myself to know that it was a good thing because I could have ended up in a hospital.30:29.62Travis WhiteMmhmm.30:35.22ScottGraceSo I went to the computer one night and because i I was noticing that this voice was very positive and cheerful and had a lot of wisdom. So I started writing and30:50.40ScottGracetook about three months for the first poem to to be done. And then there came five more. So right now I have a body of work ah that's in a book called, Oh, The Places Your Ego Will Go.31:02.40Travis WhiteI'll please.31:05.49ScottGraceAnd I put a bunch of it in in my latest book, Mindful Masculinity. So the spiritual Dr.31:11.58Travis WhiteAwesome.31:12.88ScottGraceSeuss is a big part of of what I do and how I help people.31:15.10Travis WhiteI do.31:17.82Travis Whitethat's That's really cool. it's It's hard to kind of decipher like those good ideas from the bad ones and and' so I'm glad that you moved forward with it.31:28.60ScottGraceYeah. Yeah. Well, you know some people would say there's no such thing as a bad idea.31:37.21Travis WhiteYeah, it's true.31:38.18ScottGracethomas said it tom Well, ah Miles Davis said, in jazz, there are no wrong notes. And Thomas Edison said, somebody asked him, you failed 1999 times to to create a light bulb.31:58.49ScottGraceWhat kept you going? And he said, I didn't and fail. i i I didn't fail. I i was, I forgot what he said, building, I was building a light bulb. You know, like each one helped me learn how to get it right.32:18.97ScottGraceSo we're all works in progress.32:19.06Travis WhiteYeah.32:24.64Travis WhiteYeah. And if he would have done that, where would we be at the light bulb now? Like, it's just trusting yourself and, uh,32:30.25ScottGraceYeah. Yeah. Yeah.32:40.99ScottGraceTrusting yourself. I don't do that easily. You know, when I said, when I said life, like there are lessons that we learned for a lifetime.32:46.36Travis Whiteyeah32:51.58ScottGraceThat's one of them for me. That is definitely one of them. It's yeah, go ahead.32:56.74Travis Whiteyeah Yeah, yeah, I was just gonna say I'm the same way. I don't trust myself a lot. um So this podcast idea I've been sitting on for probably over a year now, and I've just never been like, you know what, like, it's it's always been felt like I don't trust myself to do it.33:14.96Travis Whiteum33:17.32Travis WhiteI don't know if it's going to get people to view it. Like, I don't know how I'm going to.33:22.13ScottGraceHey, you just rhymed. I don't know if I can do it. Will people come to view it? And when they let it go, with it we'll go ahead and keep going.33:27.80Travis WhiteIt was totally, yeah, totally, totally, totally unintentional.33:31.30ScottGraceI'm not at all.33:33.61Travis WhiteUm, but and that stopped me for a long time and because I didn't know how to even go about it. And I feel like every time I got in front of a microphone, it was like, I felt this like imposter syndrome coming over me.33:47.59ScottGraceYes. Yes.33:49.19Travis WhiteLike, okay, I'm not, I'm not good enough to even do this, but now, now I'm here and I'm trying it and, um, I'm hoping to nail it.33:58.16ScottGraceAnd you're nailing it.34:01.88ScottGraceOh, you're nailing it.34:02.17Travis WhiteI think.34:03.77ScottGraceyeah you You embody courage because you're insecure and you're doing it anyway. and And think of how many people could be empowered and inspired by you because most people who are insecure and deal with anxiety don't do what you're doing.34:24.44ScottGraceyou know feel34:24.50Travis WhiteYeah, that's34:25.96ScottGraceFeeling fear and doing something anyway is the essence of courage.34:32.21Travis WhiteAnd that's exactly what I'm hoping to do is find those few people to that I can inspire and um get them to move past any struggles that they're dealing with and maybe just open up about themselves.34:46.84ScottGraceYes. Yeah. Yeah, you' you've earned the right to create safety for troubled people because of what you've been through, what you're doing here on this podcast. You're you're ready.35:13.53Travis WhiteLet's see. ah So you've mentioned in your bio, it mentions that you've you do stand up. You still do stand up to this day.35:25.59ScottGraceYeah, in fact, I have a gig tomorrow night. I live in Mexico and just every once in a while I do professional stand up. It's not a major part of my life.35:37.38Travis Whiteand and And I just have to ask you, uh, you said it says you shared the stage with Robin Williams and Dana Carvey. Did you, I would just be curious. Did you get to meet either of them?35:48.34Travis WhiteI just be curious, honestly, to know, I know this is a little bit off subject. What it was, if you met Robin Williams, what it was like, just cause I just think his character itself.35:56.82ScottGracei i I was in the green room. That's this backstage. And and i I met him and we shook hands.36:02.16Travis WhiteYeah.36:06.59ScottGraceHe looked at me very, very quickly and then looked down and spoke about having just gotten back from Iraq. And ah I didn't feel like there was any are room for connection.36:25.06ScottGracehe seemed36:24.52Travis WhiteYeah.36:26.41ScottGracenot just humble, but kind of ah self very self-critical and didn't know how to be himself when he wasn't joking around.36:39.44ScottGraceThat's my assessment. Many Canadians, myself included, are fueled by self-hatred.36:42.07Travis WhiteYeah. And obviously with Robin Williams, we we36:55.86Travis WhiteUh, it's pretty much been said that that was, that was a lot of the case was the self hatred.37:02.30ScottGraceYeah, but look what he did with it.37:04.23Travis WhiteOh, I know still to this day, he's one of the, like his comedy stuff is just, I love it.37:06.80ScottGraceYeah.37:14.66ScottGraceYeah. and And of course, his serious acting, he just, he didn't just such.37:19.03Travis Whiteand You could do it all.37:21.80ScottGraceYeah. Yeah.37:23.18Travis WhiteYou could do it all.37:27.18Travis WhiteAh, where was that one that?37:38.16Travis WhiteOkay, we're heading down.37:45.14Travis WhiteOkay, this is a good one that I took off of something of yours. So going back on track here, sorry, I kind of go off on tangents sometimes.37:57.61Travis Whiteum But whereas we were talking about the the inner critic, and sometimes we don't like what the inner critic has to say, like, how how do we just get that inner critic to shut up and stop bothering us?38:13.19ScottGraceWell, shut up! ah that's one That's one technique.38:16.54Travis Whitehe38:19.37ScottGraceIt hasn't worked very well for me. ah38:28.64ScottGraceSince the inner critic is fear, it's just a voice of fear.38:36.15ScottGracethere's got to be a exploration of, wow, what am I afraid of? And another part of me needs to be comforting the inner child that is the one trembling because of what the inner critic is saying. And also like empathizing with the and inner critic. cant You know, and you're you're being really, really loud and and it's really hurting my feelings. What are you trying to do? Why are you doing this? It hurts. Maybe that's not your intention, but I ah want you to really just chill. I need encouragement, not discouragement. and This is a voice that is the re-parenting that we all need to do.39:35.86ScottGraceand the reparent the parent inside that is being developed by being kind and gentle and forgiving. These are lifelong practices.39:49.50Travis WhiteMm hmm.39:51.69ScottGraceyeah For some people it might work to say, shut up in there. Just shut the fuck up. You are not my savior. You are not my minister. You are not my daddy. You are nothing. Go into a corner. Suck your thumb. Because for some of us, the inner critic is like a bully. And so standing up to the bully can be helpful.40:15.76ScottGraceI don't want you to talk to me like that. That is not helpful. You got something to say, you say it with kindness.40:23.99Travis WhiteYeah, and and and i've I've been in some, I wouldn't say, I wouldn't call it intense therapy, but it's not.40:25.87ScottGraceAnd if you if you can learn to be encouraging, your encouraging positive self-talk is going to support me in being more courageous. But this discouraging critical voice is shutting me down. It doesn't motivate me.40:53.95Travis WhiteSo I've been going to some therapy sessions. And ah the other, not too long ago, I think it was last week, we're speaking of kind of like this self talk stuff.41:05.14Travis WhiteAnd he said the key, the therapist said the key to to it is to subconsciously like stop and it's not always easy to do because we're always you're usually generally the person everybody's like the general person is like harsh on themselves thinking negative thoughts and it's not easy to get those words of encouragement until you learn to subconsciously stop and be like you know what that that inner critic is being negative right now Like I need to push that thought away and bring on something positive. And um it's,41:45.49Travis WhiteI've actually found myself now like stopping and thinking like when something bad's happening and, or I'm telling myself like, you know what, I'm not good enough. I can't do this. And subconsciously like thinking, okay, that was a bad thought. Like I'm going to bring something better in.42:02.57Travis Whitebut it's it's it's really paying attention to...42:03.44ScottGraceGood. the Intentional. You're being intentional with your thinking. That's great. That's great. And with my clients, I also use tapping EFT.42:16.63ScottGraceHave you heard of it? Emotional freedom technique. You tap.42:19.63Travis WhiteI don't think so.42:21.50ScottGraceWhoa.42:22.15Travis WhiteIt's one that I've never heard of yet.42:24.02ScottGraceYeah, ah you tap on certain Chinese meridian points and it can really relieve physical pain, but it's called the emotional freedom technique because it's it it was created to help Iraqi veterans when they came home from the war.42:41.88Travis WhiteOkay.42:43.19ScottGraceah it It helps with PTSD, anxiety, major trauma, and you could use it to so to hi to create higher self-esteem.42:55.61ScottGraceSo it the purpose of it, well, the first part of it is you validate the negative thoughts or feelings.43:07.48ScottGraceYou know, even though a part of me thinks I suck, I choose to accept myself anyway. You want to do this with me? Just tap where I tap.43:15.89Travis WhiteYeah.43:19.11ScottGraceTap where I tap. So even though Part of me thinks I'm doing a really bad job being me. Why don't you say those words? Repeat them out loud.43:32.87Travis WhiteEven though. Part of me thinks I'm doing a really bad job at being me.43:39.59ScottGraceI love and accept myself anyway.43:43.67Travis WhiteI love and accept myself anyway.43:46.82ScottGraceEven though I have a lot of anxiety,43:50.90Travis WhiteEven though I have a lot of anxiety, I'm learning to soothe myself and not let anxiety run my life.43:53.92ScottGraceI'm learning to soothe myself and not let anxiety run my life.44:06.58ScottGraceEven though I have self-doubt, I'm open to this adventure of moving forward one step at a time.44:09.31Travis WhiteEven though I have self-doubt, I'm open to this adventure of moving forward44:24.00Travis WhiteOne step at a time.44:25.54ScottGraceright through the fears and doubts.44:28.07Travis WhiteRight through the fears and doubts.44:30.89ScottGraceYeah. Tapping on the side of the eye here. All this fear and doubt.44:38.87Travis WhiteAll this fear and doubt.44:41.01ScottGraceSide of the eye, all this self-criticism.44:44.06Travis WhiteAll this self-criticism.44:46.47ScottGraceKeep looking at me, kid, because I want you to see where I'm tapping. Under the eye.44:52.51Travis WhiteYou're okay right there.44:54.26ScottGraceYeah, so part of me is just pushing and pushing myself and trying to force me to do better and be better.45:08.84Travis Whitetrying to force me to do better and be better push push push and using negative judgments to try to motivate me are you just tapping on your chest there is that what it is45:12.15ScottGracePush, push, push.45:17.26ScottGraceAnd using negative judgments to try to motivate me.45:27.47ScottGraceLike, yeah, yeah, exactly. And then the next part is four inches below the armpit on the side of the arm. All of this self-judgment.45:39.51Travis WhiteAll of this self judgment.45:41.91ScottGraceI see it. Top of the head.45:45.41Travis WhiteI see it.45:47.02ScottGraceI see you.45:50.05Travis WhiteI see you.45:51.88ScottGraceYou're not in the darkness any anymore.45:54.45Travis WhiteYou're not in the darkness anymore.45:57.81ScottGraceAnd I can see that it's hurting my feelings.46:03.13Travis WhiteAnd I can see it's hurting my feelings.46:06.05ScottGraceYou inner critic are hurting my feelings.46:09.61Travis WhiteYou inner critic are hurting my feelings.46:13.29ScottGraceI deserve kindness just for being who I am.46:15.60Travis WhiteI deserve kindness just for being who I am.46:24.65ScottGraceAnd I choose more kindness each day.46:27.84Travis WhiteAnd I choose more kindness each day.46:31.08ScottGraceEvery time I get conscious that I'm thinking negative thoughts, I've got a few positive ones up my sleeve.46:35.11Travis WhiteEvery time I get conscious, I'm thinking negative thoughts.46:42.48Travis WhiteI've got a few positive ones up my sleeve.46:45.74ScottGraceAnd I'm exchanging them, putting a smile on my face.46:49.01Travis WhiteAnd I'm exchanging them.46:53.66Travis WhitePutting a smile on my face.46:56.45ScottGraceIf I have to fake it, that's fine.46:59.14Travis WhiteIf I have to fake it, that's fine.47:01.52ScottGraceI'm on the road to trusting myself.47:05.49Travis WhiteI'm on the road to trusting myself.47:08.59ScottGraceAnd I'm having a blast building my podcast and telling my critic to kiss my ass.47:10.67Travis WhiteAnd I'm having a blast.47:15.56Travis WhiteBuilding my podcast.47:22.02Travis WhiteAnd telling my credit to kiss my ass.47:25.52ScottGraceYou go now, you're not needed here.47:28.81Travis WhiteYou go now you're not needed here.47:31.87ScottGraceI'm building this podcast with love, not fear.47:35.76Travis Whiteum Building this podcast with love not fear.47:39.13ScottGraceAnd simply because I have the courage to do it,47:42.91Travis WhiteAnd simply because I have the courage to do it,47:46.08ScottGraceI'm a success and there's nothing more to it.47:49.75Travis WhiteI'm a success and there's nothing more to it.47:52.90ScottGraceI'm a success no matter what I think.47:56.14Travis WhiteI'm a success no matter what I think.47:58.46ScottGraceCause I'm God's creation.48:01.81Travis WhiteBecause I'm God's creation and what God makes don't stink.48:04.30ScottGraceand what God makes don't stink.48:10.24ScottGraceYou know, God did not make a mistake in me.48:14.22Travis WhiteYou know, God did not make a mistake in me.48:17.28ScottGraceSo I'm learning to see myself innocently and really have my back with my thoughts, letting go of the guilt,48:20.22Travis WhiteSo I'm learning to see myself innocently.48:27.92Travis WhiteAnd really have my back with my thoughts.48:33.25ScottGraceand the crap I've been taught.48:35.44Travis WhiteLetting go of the guilt and the crap I've been taught.48:38.73ScottGraceAll the shoulds, all the have tos, and all of the aughts.48:43.44Travis WhiteAll the shirts, all the half twos, and all the odds.48:47.22ScottGraceThey're just lies that somewhere along the line I bought.48:51.45Travis WhiteThey're just lies somewhere along the line I bought.48:55.28ScottGraceI bought them, but now I'm bringing them back.48:58.40Travis WhiteI bought them, but now I'm bringing them back.49:02.45ScottGraceOvernight delivery, Amazon, take them back.49:04.58Travis WhiteOvernight. hey Overnight delivery, Amazon, take them back.49:09.37ScottGraceYeah, because I'm here being me and I'm good enough.49:14.45Travis Whitebecause I'm here being me and I'm good enough.49:18.37ScottGraceI've got everything I need and I've got all the right stuff.49:21.57Travis WhiteI've got everything I need. I've got all the right stuff.49:24.77ScottGraceSure, there are times that are gonna be tough.49:27.66Travis WhiteSure, there are times that are going to be tough.49:30.79ScottGraceBut I'm moving the needle towards more and more trust.49:35.77Travis WhiteBut I move in the needle towards more and more trust.49:40.93ScottGraceI'm learning to trust myself.49:43.59Travis WhiteI'm learning to trust myself.49:46.79ScottGraceEvery day a little more.49:48.82Travis WhiteEvery day a little more.49:51.48ScottGraceJust like I've i've learned to walk.49:54.46Travis WhiteJust like I've learned to walk.49:56.56ScottGraceNow I'm learning to soar.49:59.25Travis WhiteNow I'm learning to soar.50:01.85ScottGraceIn body, mind, and spirit.50:03.85Travis WhiteEmbody mind and spirit.50:07.24ScottGraceNice deep breath, Travis.50:15.92ScottGraceI feel better. Do you feel any difference?50:18.03Travis WhiteYeah, yeah, I can.50:19.14ScottGraceYeah.50:20.01Travis WhiteI can see what the tapping does like. It's yeah.50:25.85ScottGraceah It reduces cortisol by between 30 and 40%.50:26.01Travis WhiteIt's like a.50:30.29ScottGraceSo even if you just used it without the words, it it actually can be really helpful.50:32.85Travis WhiteWords, yeah.50:35.34ScottGraceBut when you use it with affirmations and the way we just did it, it's it's so it's a superpower in my life.50:43.25Travis WhiteYeah, it's it's it. It's almost like. I'm trying to think of I'm trying to click my thoughts here.50:52.95Travis WhiteIt's almost like I feel like when the tapping and you're seeing the self affirmations like it's like you're almost embedding them making them more than just a thought.51:05.58ScottGraceyeah Yes.51:05.60Travis WhiteI hope I got my point across there.51:07.41ScottGraceYes. Yeah, you're energetically really like planting the seeds of these thoughts into your subconscious, into your body, like where you can viscerally start feeling better.51:15.03Travis WhiteMm hmm.51:23.66ScottGraceAnd when I when i do this with my clients, I record, the tapping, and then I usually improvise a song. And these these are are powerful tools that go beyond simple affirmations.51:38.94Travis WhiteMm hmm. Good stuff. Good stuff.51:43.34ScottGraceYeah.51:45.40Travis WhiteAnd I think this this type of thing will bring the listeners a lot of a lot of like maybe hopefully something that they didn't know because i that was one that I've never heard of.51:56.23ScottGraceYes. Yeah. Yeah. I have tapping videos on my YouTube channel. I even have them on my website, some of them. ah and And again, like when I work with people, we always end with tapping or even sometimes start out with tapping if they're in a ah crisis.52:14.01Travis WhiteYeah, in a crisis.52:15.81ScottGraceYeah.52:16.24Travis WhiteMakes sense.52:18.08ScottGraceYeah.52:19.08Travis WhiteAwesome.52:21.28Travis WhiteI honestly don't have too much else. Did you have anything else that you wanted to bring up to the listeners today?52:40.31ScottGraceI don't like the fact that anxiety is now diagnosed. and When I was growing up, people were nervous and insecure and anxious. There were no pills and there were no diagnoses. you know It just was a part of life.52:59.59ScottGraceAnd now, like i don't I don't like it when people have a diagnosis and pills to deal with something that in other cultures and maybe in in our culture years ago, it's just like, you know you it's it's manageable. I think part of what makes it Over the top these days is social media and the internet and how much time we spend in front of screens and not out in nature.53:28.08Travis WhiteMm-hmm53:33.72ScottGraceThat's part of it, I think. For me it is. If I don't if i don't get off of the screens and go out in nature, I start to feel a little poo-coo.53:42.25Travis WhiteYeah, yeah, you made me a thought come to my head It the way society is now it almost makes it seem like it's not okay to be anxious and53:56.62ScottGraceyes53:57.52Travis WhiteAnd it's it's totally okay. Anxiety, we need to learn how to deal with it. And it's it's and the same thing's not gonna work for every single person.54:03.24ScottGraceYeah.54:08.33ScottGraceNo.54:08.20Travis WhiteYou have to find out figure out your own way.54:09.72ScottGraceYeah. Sometimes anxiety is, is, is my guidance system saying, don't go there. You know, don't go out to the party.54:18.04Travis WhiteMm-hmm.54:20.17ScottGraceIt's like, Oh, I gotta to go to the party. Well, you know, there's a certain level of anxiety. Do I really have to go? Maybe the anxiety is my intuition saying you need a alone time.54:33.03ScottGraceDon't force yourself.54:32.74Travis WhiteMm hmm.54:35.40Travis WhiteYeah. Yes, sometimes my anxiety is just. Let's not do this and my wife pulls me and says, OK, we're going to do this. We're going to do this.54:45.97Travis WhiteAnd I get there and I'm actually totally fine.54:48.73ScottGraceYay.54:50.00Travis WhiteHey.54:52.03ScottGraceYeah.54:51.98Travis WhiteJust need that extra push.54:54.83ScottGraceYeah. So that's it. You know, I want to send people to my website and encourage people to get the book.54:59.66Travis Whiteand Go for it.55:01.54ScottGraceThere's a lot of wisdom and about the inner critic and about maturing as a man, and but it mostly it's for women who want to understand men. And it's on Amazon. You can look at it on my website, www.scotsongs.com. S-C-O-T-T-S-O-N-G-S dot.com. As you scroll down the homepage, it shows up and there's a ah sample from Audible and ah you just click on it and you're on Amazon and that's it.55:35.58Travis WhitePerfect. Well, Scott, I really appreciate your time and having you on here. Um, I know you'll bring listeners some good vibes and some good, uh, so what's the word just slipped out of my mouth.55:44.41ScottGraceOkay.55:50.30Travis WhiteIt's it's Saturday. I'm thinking too hard. Maybe, uh, well, you'll bring up a lot of good stuff. Like I'm grateful that I was able to find you because I think this has been really fun.56:00.05ScottGraceHmm.56:04.53ScottGraceNice.56:05.27Travis WhiteAnd you do bring a good some good humor.56:07.61ScottGraceLet's see.56:09.25Travis WhiteAnyways, thank you all for listening. You can find me on Instagram at overcome pot. And yeah, everyone have a great day.56:22.63ScottGraceYeah.