Become Your Own Best Friend: Self-Belief, Gratitude, and Inner Magic | Terry Bean

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Sometimes the hardest person to believe in

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is yourself.

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My guest has reinvented herself time and

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time again through family conflict,

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loss, uncertainty, and heartbreak,

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yet through every chapter she's held on to

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one belief,

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the story you tell yourself matters.

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We explore what it means to become your

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own best friend,

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why gratitude can transform your

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perspective,

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and how to keep moving forward even when

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life doesn't go according to plan.

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Here's my conversation with Terry Bean.

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Welcome to Overcome.

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with Travis White. If any of these stories

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resonate with you,

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please leave us a review and foll give us

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a follow.

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Please enjoy the show.

0:42

Terry, why don't you start us off by

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telling the audience about yourself?

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Absolutely. And thank you, Travis White.

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I really appreciate you having me on your

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podcast.

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And I'm excited to speak to you and your

0:54

audience ~ about Terry Bean,

1:00

which is what people typically call me in

1:00

full my name,

1:04

Terry Bean. So once again,

1:07

thank you for having me. I am based out of

1:07

New York,

1:11

Whitestone Queens, New York.

1:14

And ~ I grew up here actually in,

1:17

you know, a family ~ that back when,

1:21

imagine this in 63, it was blended.

1:25

So blended wasn't even a term,

1:28

Travis, in 63. You know,

1:31

they didn't even know what that was.

1:33

Now it's everybody has blended families,

1:36

right? So I have the half brothers and

1:36

sisters,

1:37

mm-hmm.

1:39

and they came from both of my parents who

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Had their respective divorces,

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right, before they got married and had me.

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So I'm their only child, right?

1:51

Which put a lot of pressure on me because

1:51

they were still dealing with

1:57

a lot of some animosity and just the whole

1:57

navigation,

2:01

you know, that a family has to go to,

2:03

go through with, you know, respective

2:03

divorces and the kids and the whole thing.

2:08

And all I wanted was happy.

2:12

all I wanted. And there was a lot of

2:12

angst.

2:14

So when I would step out of my elevator

2:14

here in Queens,

2:18

which I'm here now in the home I grew up

2:18

with,

2:20

and believe it or not, because I have my

2:20

elderly mom that I take care of.

2:24

She's ninety-two, which is another journey

2:24

I can talk about.

2:27

Okay.

2:28

~ So I grew

2:33

up feeling like I really at a very early

2:38

age had control on

2:40

Like I got this. I mean,

2:43

I sat down and sang Billy Joel,

2:46

this is my life to my parents when I was

2:46

eleven.

2:48

Just

2:48

Okay. So I mean,

2:52

because I really I I thought everybody

2:52

else was absolutely out of their minds

2:56

and neurotic. You know what I mean?

2:57

Mm-hmm.

2:57

So and I was kind of taking on this whole

2:57

personal development journey at a very,

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very early stage in my life. ~ just

3:03

knowing that there had to be a choice.

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Always had to be a choice in how I felt or

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some kind of responsibility.

3:17

Now, don't get me wrong, I had so much

3:17

drama early

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on between the family and my angst with

3:22

mom and the whole deal that

3:30

you know I I I I think about it about

3:30

being a victim,

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and I think.

3:38

You know, when we have such drama

3:38

constantly going on around us,

3:42

we can exactly that become the victim and

3:42

decide that life is happening to us.

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Right? We're not we're we're not choosing

3:49

it at all.

3:53

And we're pissed off at anybody and

3:53

everybody in our circle because they're

3:59

this happen to us.

4:02

Yes, and it's hard to get out of that

4:02

victim mentality.

4:05

Very hard.

4:06

Really,

4:07

really, really hard. And part of it is

4:07

because we w we retell the story

4:12

and the narrative that's gonna validate us

4:12

being a victim.

4:17

So the story is being told over and over.

4:20

I remember telling the story because I had

4:20

I was a rebellious kid.

4:25

I was super rebellious because of

4:25

everything that was going on and all

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I wanted was my independence, right?

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And that's why I knew I I had this,

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right? I got this.

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So it's amazing how many times and how

4:36

many different people I stole

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I told the story to, right? And now it's

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like I don't I want the I don't want

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the drama at all. I mean, I literally left

4:47

~ once I was in New York,

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I went to Connecticut for about 10 years

4:53

and I left Connecticut to

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go down to Florida. I had the option to

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come back to New York where my family was.

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I said, no, I'm not.

5:05

I can't take the neuroses, I gotta get

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away.

5:07

And I did and I ended up going down to

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Florida for close to thirty years.

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Which is amazing. Yeah.

5:17

And so now you're you're back and you've

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basically done a full circle

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and right back there where you grew up.

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really nuts because mom, my sister,

5:25

and I actually had about of three years of

5:25

no communication when I was fifty.

5:30

So as I said, I was born in sixty three.

5:33

So ~ that's what, you know,

5:37

twelve years ago or so that we had three

5:37

years of no communication.

5:38

Mm-hmm.

5:41

I was the one that handed out the olive

5:41

branch,

5:43

~ which was very typical.

5:48

~ and 'cause I I realized,

5:52

you know,

5:54

No one likes being extricated from their

5:54

family.

5:57

No one likes being ostracized in any which

5:57

way,

6:01

right? And I realized that I do not ~ I

6:01

don't want

6:08

my mom to go, to leave this planet without

6:14

me reconnecting with her. I it just it

6:14

just didn't feel right.

6:22

So I did whatever I can and through my

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personal development journey,

6:22

That's

6:26

I'll be honest with you, if I didn't have

6:26

these tools,

6:28

there would be no way I could sit here in

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this house right now.

6:32

No way. I mean,

6:36

listen, ~ not to say this, she pushes

6:36

buttons all the time.

6:40

Tonight was one of those times when I

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looked around and I said,

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Listen, I said, Can we have one night

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without arguing?

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Is it possible?

6:51

I have one night where you're not raising

6:51

your voice.

6:53

No. And one thing I learned in doing this

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and and working with people

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in general is a great ~ piece that I've

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learned lately is to be the observer.

7:09

You become the observer. You don't become

7:09

the judge.

7:12

You don't become the mother either,

7:16

which is very easy to do when you have a

7:16

92-year-old,

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because they really do seem like

7:18

three-year-olds,

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you know. Sometimes it's like it's out of

7:23

control.

7:27

And

7:27

But I, you know,

7:30

when you just kind of sit and observe and

7:30

not always react.

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And if you feel like you're reacting,

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you kind of stop.

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And you breathe and

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you think before you actually speak.

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My father used to say that all the time.

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He used to point to his head and say,

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T H I N K Terry. Think. He would always

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say that to me.

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Okay.

7:57

It's funny how that came up. I lost my dad

7:57

about fifteen years ago,

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fifteen six. And he was like my biggest

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fan,

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you know. I really adored him.

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And we had a

8:09

We had a really fun time together.

8:11

We just ~ would get silly and laugh and

8:11

loved slapstick and all this stuff

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and you know, mom couldn't stand any of

8:16

that.

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All right. So mom was kind of jealous of

8:19

my relationship with my father.

8:19

He

8:23

I mean, it was j you know, it's nuttiness

8:23

that people go through because

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the majority of us don't go grow up with

8:28

any kind of a EQ,

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emotional cros

8:37

you know, quotient, they really don't.

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So I can't talk to my mom now and say to

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her things like,

8:43

Can you really listen to yourself when you

8:43

talk to me?

8:47

Yeah, it's just not it's not gonna go

8:47

anywhere.

8:50

It's not gonna understand.

8:53

Yeah, and I can think of multiple people

8:53

in my life like that where it's like it's

8:59

and I I I guess I think it's come down to

8:59

I just learned to set set boundaries.

9:03

And those relationships I can't aren't

9:03

always the way I expect them to be,

9:04

Yes.

9:09

but I set those boundaries and don't cross

9:09

this line.

9:13

And I figure, you know what, I can be fine

9:13

without holding those types

9:18

of conversations and asking those types of

9:18

questions.

9:21

Yeah, it's smart. Well, that's part of

9:21

protecting ourselves,

9:25

right? And we have to we have to

9:25

understand our needs and w and and what

9:25

Yep, correct.

9:34

what those expectations are and always

9:34

understand that if you have

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A uncommunicated expectation.

9:47

It's not an expectation anymore.

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Mm-hmm.

9:51

You can't. And I I this is one thing I do

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say to my mom and other people.

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I say, I can't read your mind.

9:59

Can't read your mind. Tell me what truly

9:59

tell me what you need and what you want.

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And setting those ~ boundaries and

10:06

parameters are extremely important,

10:11

especially when you're a caretaker,

10:13

whether it's a parent or not, that you're

10:13

caretaking as a child,

10:18

or even if you're a parent of a young one.

10:21

You know, it's really, really important to

10:21

have those.

10:21

Mm-hmm.

10:24

Yeah. It's structure that I think we all

10:24

need in some way.

10:29

Yeah, I agree. So it sounds like from what

10:29

you've described you kind

10:34

of mentioned before that you, you know,

10:35

you moved out of your parents' house and ~

10:35

moved around a little bit.

10:41

Almost to me sounds like you reinvented

10:41

yourself a few times.

10:46

What allowed you to do that?

10:48

Many.

10:50

Many, many times. I always say this in in

10:50

many of the pods that I'm on.

10:54

I always feel like I'm a cat that has more

10:54

than nine lives.

10:58

You know? I ~ I've landed many times

10:58

He's

11:04

and and it started quite frankly at the

11:04

age of like eleven,

11:10

twelve. I mean, I'm in Queens,

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New York. Queens, New York people were

11:11

were were very street wise,

11:15

you know.

11:17

Not always so book smart, but definitely

11:17

streetwise.

11:20

and I and and and people were always

11:26

my thing, like just being super in tune

11:26

with how people tick,

11:33

right? The the sociology of it.

11:37

And it always intrigued me. You know,

11:39

and and decisions that people make and how

11:39

they make them always intrigued me.

11:45

And

11:46

Talking to people about what they're

11:46

looking to do and what they're looking

11:50

to create and then connecting those dots

11:50

for them sometimes in an out of box way,

11:57

which I tend to do, has shifted many

11:57

people's lives on my journey.

12:03

There's no doubt. You know? And it's and

12:03

it's really quite fun to do.

12:08

Cause you 'cause when it happens,

12:10

people will kinda look at me and say,

12:12

~ my God, I didn't even think of that.

12:14

That's unbelievable.

12:16

That's fantastic. And then they get all

12:16

excited in it.

12:19

It's really wonderful. I

12:24

To your question, yes, I had reinvented

12:24

myself many,

12:28

many times. I was in property management

12:28

up in Connecticut.

12:33

I then ~ my first job out of college was

12:33

in Manhattan,

12:38

but I went up to Connecticut, then

12:38

property management,

12:43

then knew that I was gonna go to Florida

12:43

and get

12:48

my real estate license and did what you

12:48

call jam it in your brain real estate.

12:53

You do one week.

12:54

And you jam it in your brain, you pass the

12:54

course and you're done,

12:57

you know, and you get your license.

12:59

And that's exactly what I did.

13:01

And I did that for my broker's license as

13:01

well for Florida.

13:05

And I had three weeks,

13:09

Travis White, of travel in my car.

13:14

And I had a boyfriend at the time in

13:14

Connecticut that I was leaving,

13:19

right, to go to Florida. And he shut that

13:19

w it was both it was amicable.

13:24

He shut the the trunk of my car and he

13:24

said,

13:27

You can't open it until you get to Florida

13:27

because I don't think you'll

13:30

be able to close it. Right. So I literally

13:30

lived,

13:32

Yeah.

13:35

it was the most humbling experience.

13:37

I lived out of the duffel bag.

13:39

I had a client, he was with Vovo,

13:41

lovely, lovely man that I adored back

13:41

then.

13:45

And it was a big duffel bag and it said

13:45

Volvo on it,

13:49

because that was my client at the time.

13:51

He worked for them. And I had

13:53

two teddy bears and I had my a recorder

14:00

and I recorded my entire trip down.

14:02

And I have some unbelievable stories that

14:02

are just phenomenal of that trip,

14:09

that three week journey down. But it was

14:09

the most it it was so cathartic,

14:13

you know, to to to speak into that and and

14:13

it's like talking to yourself,

14:19

which is so important.

14:22

You know, that our self-talk is so

14:22

extremely important.

14:24

Mm-hmm.

14:26

That's where our we create our beliefs.

14:28

And again, the belief, you know,

14:30

is just a thought you really keep

14:30

thinking.

14:32

That's what a belief is. So then whatever

14:32

you're thinking becomes your narrative

14:39

and becomes your story. You don't like

14:39

your story,

14:40

you change your narrative. You know.

14:43

This stuff is not new. It's not really

14:43

that new.

14:47

I just say it in different ways.

14:47

No, but it's it's

14:50

something that I feel like we have to be

14:50

reminded over and over again.

14:53

It's going back to that victim mentality

14:53

where you just you know,

14:53

Mm. Read.

14:59

like you said, repeat the same narrative

14:59

over and over again.

15:02

Well you're the only one who can get

15:02

yourself out of it.

15:07

It's so true. So very true.

15:11

So looking back with all your life

15:11

experiences,

15:15

what chapter in your life do you believe

15:15

taught you the most about resilience?

15:23

that's a phenomenal question. I'm gonna

15:23

have to think on this for a second.

15:27

I'm gonna have to fill the air.

15:29

Wait a second, let's see. I'm not sure.

15:33

my goodness.

15:37

What part of my life?

15:45

You know

15:48

When I left my when I left my last

15:48

relationship,

15:54

which was in two thousand and sixteen,

15:56

I didn't know where I was gonna go.

16:00

And I was leaving South Florida and I was

16:00

~ up here

16:05

in the north driving for about a month.

16:10

I just drove and hit all the places I love

16:10

in New England,

16:15

Rhode Island, and you know, Massachusetts.

16:18

I just kept on driving around Delaware and

16:18

I came around and came back

16:22

to Jersey and I stayed at a friend's place

16:22

in Jersey and it was

16:27

Twenty five degrees and snowing outside.

16:32

And I said, I think I have to rethink this

16:32

strategy.

16:36

I said, I don't think the Northeast is

16:36

good for me because I was stuck in the

16:41

I was freezing and I really don't love

16:41

cold.

16:44

And I had lived in Florida for so long.

16:46

But I didn't really like South Florida

16:46

anymore.

16:48

South Florida, I could see the writing on

16:48

the wall when '95 they started

16:52

to open up the lanes to six lanes,

16:56

like LA. I mean, it was

16:58

I said this is gonna be another la LA.

16:59

And when it started to take me forty five

16:59

minutes on Federal Highway,

17:06

which is Route One.

17:10

on a trip that used to take me 15 minutes.

17:12

Took me 45 minutes. On that day,

17:14

I remember the day that I said,

17:16

I'm out of here. I can't do this anymore.

17:18

And that was it. And then traveling up

17:18

there,

17:21

and then I just, you know, I spoke to a

17:21

good friend who had a home

17:26

on Amelia Island and needed some

17:26

assistance with her husband that

17:32

was going through a hard time.

17:33

And she needed assistance as well and just

17:33

said,

17:37

Hey Terry, you know,

17:39

Come to Amelia Island, come to Fernadina

17:39

Beach,

17:42

actually. She's saying, I never heard of

17:42

Fernadina Beach.

17:44

But I had visited Amelia Island.

17:48

It's just Amelia Island is very

17:48

interesting when you it's a beautiful

17:51

You know Jacksonville at all and that

17:51

whole area?

17:54

N no.

17:54

my goodness. Amelia Island is just it's a

17:54

really beautiful island.

17:59

It is an island like Manhattan Island.

18:02

Okay, in this city. The same,

18:05

pretty much the same square footage.

18:09

with thirty seven thousand people on it

18:09

versus how many in Manhattan?

18:14

One point eight million or something just

18:14

on Manhattan Island.

18:17

I mean it's i the contrast is outrageous,

18:20

right? So you could cross that island in

18:20

ten minutes.

18:24

Could take you ten hours in traveling on

18:24

Manhattan.

18:29

But it's ~ it's a beautiful,

18:33

beautiful place. So when she said for

18:33

Nadina,

18:35

first of all

18:35

I couldn't even pronounce it. I think it

18:35

took me like two weeks

18:38

to pronounce the name of the place.

18:40

I was really fumbling with Bernadena.

18:42

And I visited, she said Amelia Island.

18:46

I said, my God, I was there and I stayed

18:46

at the Ritz when I worked at

18:50

a company ~ for a bit in Boca Tone when I

18:50

lived there.

18:55

And ~

19:00

I said, I didn't even know Fernadina

19:00

visit.

19:02

She said it's right on the island.

19:03

And it's because the Ritz, the the big

19:03

hotels on that island,

19:07

the Ritz and the Omni, they don't talk

19:07

about downtown Fernadina Beach because

19:14

don't want the money to leave their

19:14

resort.

19:19

That makes sense, yeah.

19:20

amazing

19:21

right so a lot of people didn't realize

19:21

about it and I would I would go

19:25

to the south of the island where these

19:25

hotels are and I'd meet people sometimes

19:28

at the bars and stuff and they'd be you

19:28

know people who ~ were staying

19:33

at the Aneo and I said have you been down

19:33

to Fernadina you have to go because it's

19:39

a great little you know it's a great

19:39

little town so it's going through

19:42

its its growing pains but it's a great

19:42

town so I ~ I think you know

19:50

A lot of resilience. I mean, when you're

19:50

you're you know you're driving,

19:53

you don't know what your next step is

19:53

gonna be,

19:58

what your next phase, you really have to

20:01

dig deep to accept kind

20:07

of your life at that moment of what's

20:07

happening in the

20:12

I don't know phase, and that goes for any

20:12

stage of our life.

20:19

You know, we can be in a relationship or

20:19

in a job or anything where you're just

20:26

at that point you're you're not able to

20:26

make the decision yet.

20:32

And I think it's really important to give

20:32

ourselves the time we need.

20:38

Give ourselves grace. Don't make a

20:38

decision out of fight

20:44

or flight and try not to make decisions

20:44

out of fear.

20:49

Out of any of these things where you're

20:49

gonna step into something that

20:53

in the long run is typically not gonna pan

20:53

out.

20:56

And it's it's happened to me over and over

20:56

again,

20:59

but but then again, you know, the

20:59

resilience thereafter,

21:04

you know, how long are you gonna stay in

21:04

that story that doesn't feel good,

21:09

or that victimhood, or that that beating

21:09

yourself up because you don't know

21:14

the way we do, because we feel like we

21:14

have to know.

21:18

All the time. It's part of the problem

21:18

with Google.

21:22

We have people talking to each other who

21:22

think they know everything

21:25

and everybody's talking over each other.

21:27

Because we have Google now and we think we

21:27

know everything.

21:28

Mm-hmm.

21:31

It's absurd. I mean

21:33

Yeah.

21:34

Y y yes it is and my favorite now is is

21:34

playing

21:41

playing the the you know, you have

21:41

symptoms of something that comes up,

21:45

whether it's mental or physical,

21:46

and then you go and search it on Google,

21:48

so then you become a doctor. I mean it's

21:48

help Yeah

21:50

Yeah, it's amazing. You can imagine how

21:50

much fun the doctors are having with that.

21:55

Poor doc they're going nuts.

21:55

right? And it's I mean it's just like one

21:55

of those things that's like helpful

22:00

sometimes, but other times it's like,

22:01

okay, well I've just filled my head with

22:01

junk that probably does not need

22:04

to be there.

22:06

Yeah. It's true to to an extent.

22:08

I think it's really fantastic,

22:10

actually, especially when it comes to our

22:10

health,

22:12

honestly, because of Western medicine.

22:14

And that's just a, you know, a view I

22:14

have.

22:16

But I feel that the more we learn and the

22:16

more there are research papers

22:23

out there that we can take the time to do

22:23

a deep dive into whatever

22:27

is happening for us. But the key is that

22:27

whatever road we take that we believe it.

22:34

I don't care if it's holistic,

22:36

I don't care if it's Western, I don't care

22:36

if it's Chinese,

22:37

I don't care what it is. You better truly

22:37

wholeheartedly believe it going

22:41

Yep. Yep. Have some conviction.

22:42

in without without a shadow without a

22:42

shadow of a doubt.

22:43

Yep.

22:45

And that that is the tough thing,

22:48

I think, for most people, because my

22:48

feeling,

22:53

Travis, is that the majority of humans

22:53

walk around on this planet

22:58

not feeling good enough.

23:03

And if you don't feel good enough,

23:04

you're gonna always be in doubt.

23:08

And w coming from your background,

23:12

how do you ~ get someone to

23:18

get on the path to start feeling good

23:18

enough?

23:24

Well, a y you know, a huge part is

23:24

gratitude.

23:31

So, you know, different tools are out

23:31

there,

23:35

whether they're gratitude journals and

23:35

such,

23:37

but make it real easy for yourself and

23:37

wake up every morning and

23:41

say three things that you're grateful for

23:41

before you lift your head off the pillow.

23:45

When you step down on the ground,

23:48

say thank you. That's by the way a Wayne

23:48

Dyerism.

23:51

And if you know who Wayne Dyer is,

23:53

or if you don't, please, for the Travis

23:53

White people out there,

23:58

look up the shift.

24:00

It's called it's a movie, it's on YouTube

24:00

and it's Wayne Dyer

24:04

and it's absolutely phenomenal,

24:06

which is very much in line with what we're

24:06

talking about right now.

24:09

He's like the grandfather of it all.

24:12

He was absolutely a beautiful soul.

24:14

and I think,

24:19

you know, affirmations are quite

24:19

important,

24:22

though you have to get super real with

24:22

yourself and then decide that you're gonna

24:28

give yourself grace.

24:30

And there's a forgiving piece to this

24:30

that's very important

24:37

for individuals to forgive themselves over

24:37

anything that's happened that they

24:44

feel that they need to forgive themselves

24:44

for.

24:46

Not only forgiving the other person,

24:49

but forgiving themselves first and

24:49

foremost is most important.

24:53

And then for and then ask for forgiveness

24:53

to your inner child.

25:00

Close your eyes, see yourself as a young

25:00

child and sitting see yourself as an

25:07

sitting with your young child,

25:08

with your young self, your young Travis as

25:08

an adult,

25:13

and just kind of sit there with each other

25:13

with your eyes closed

25:16

and have a conversation.

25:20

Become your own best friend.

25:25

I love it.

25:25

I think

25:26

becoming our own best friend is so

25:26

important,

25:29

you know, because then then we'll treat

25:29

ourselves with more compassion

25:33

and respect and love. And when we do that,

25:36

we become kinder to other people around

25:36

us.

25:42

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.

25:44

I feel a lot of times that if you don't

25:44

truly love yourself,

25:48

it's gonna be hard for you to accept and

25:48

love the people around you.

25:53

Absolutely. Absolutely agreed.

25:56

I think, you know, I I have to thank mom,

25:59

interestingly enough, for saying that to

25:59

me at a very young age.

26:04

I remember that. I remember her saying

26:04

that to me.

26:09

So thanks, Mom. I guess that's why I

26:09

dedicated the book to her too.

26:15

You know, I have a page and I actually

26:15

dedicated Abercadaber to her.

26:19

And we'll get into that in a little bit,

26:20

but everybody was so surprised 'cause I

26:20

had so much drama in my life

26:25

and all this other stuff and it was very

26:25

much revolved around mom,

26:28

right? The daughter, mother, yeah,

26:29

Mm-hmm.

26:30

craziness. And

26:34

And I laugh about that and I came full

26:34

circle with it,

26:37

you know, with just understanding and

26:37

appreciating that y she is still here

26:41

at ninety two. Yes, sometimes I could pull

26:41

my hair out,

26:44

but guess what? You know, I'm I'm quite

26:44

grateful that we get to play rummicue

26:50

and every night, you know, and and sing

26:50

together sometimes

26:56

and laugh together and sometimes I get to

26:56

bring her to a Broadway show,

27:01

you know, for her birthday, which was just

27:03

Absolutely incredible day. And you know,

27:06

sometimes you do want to go back to those

27:06

days that are just

27:09

so beautiful with someone and talk about

27:09

it together because

27:16

it will raise both your vibration and you

27:16

almost fall back into love like

27:23

and everything else and respect for each

27:23

other when you do that.

27:27

That's one of my favorite things to ~

27:27

actually do with my wife is just

27:32

to talk about our past and like our dating

27:32

gears.

27:35

Because it I mean we've been together for

27:35

p like twenty ish years

27:42

or something like that. It's been a while.

27:43

Nice. Congratulations.

27:43

Maybe maybe not quite twenty, but it's

27:43

getting close,

27:47

it feels like that. But I think I've known

27:47

her for a little over twenty years now.

27:51

But it's we have so many stories and I

27:51

could just reminisce about those stories

27:55

every day.

27:57

Yeah. It's really fun to do and ~ you

27:57

know,

28:00

it's good that y you're not it's not about

28:00

the elephant in the room and having

28:05

to go back to the negative stuff,

28:07

right? And the stuff we're, you know,

28:09

because that's where I think a lot of the

28:09

relationships just break down.

28:14

Because again, that's the narrative that

28:14

you're focusing on.

28:17

So you're choosing with your wife,

28:19

Travis, which is brilliant, to focus on

28:19

the really great stuff.

28:22

You know? So

28:24

Mm-hmm.

28:25

you know, the holding hands and,

28:27

you know, the kissing under the moonlight

28:27

or whatever it is.

28:31

I mean, it's really lovely. So

28:31

congratulations on doing that.

28:34

That's super. You guys have kids?

28:36

We have four kids.

28:40

Congratulations. That's amazing.

28:41

Yeah, so

28:43

pretty pretty busy.

28:45

I can imagine. Give me the age range and

28:45

what they are.

28:48

I have a six year old girl, a four year

28:48

old boy,

28:51

Yeah. Names.

28:52

so the six year old is Ellie, and we have

28:52

~ four year old is Asher.

28:56

Yeah.

29:02

two year old is Hudson and then a two

29:02

month old Sawyer.

29:05

Let's see.

29:09

For you and Sawyer's a girl or boy.

29:13

nope, a boy. So three boys and one girl,

29:14

wow, congratulations.

29:17

yep.

29:17

And the girl's the oldest. God bless her.

29:20

Yep.

29:21

boy. That's amazing.

29:23

Yeah.

29:25

~ congratulations. That's beautiful.

29:27

~ And tell you and tell your wife that

29:27

she's special.

29:28

Thank you.

29:33

Because I really feel that any woman who

29:33

has

29:37

More than three boys, or three boys or

29:37

more,

29:39

as I say, 'cause I'm one of my very good

29:39

friends has three boys.

29:42

And I always say to her, I think truly

29:42

that God like specially picked certain

29:47

Yeah.

29:48

you know to have three boys. And I know

29:48

that women always say that boys are

29:53

but three boys? It's it's another animal

29:53

to me.

29:57

I mean it's just it would be from the

29:57

outside in.

29:58

Yeah, we know we have

30:00

we know we have it coming for us,

30:01

but ~ our girl,

30:05

I don't know if it's like the DNA from one

30:05

of us,

30:07

but sh she she can stand her own ground.

30:11

She's she's a little bit of sugar and

30:11

spice,

30:13

we'll say that.

30:14

Yeah, good for her. Well, she has to be

30:14

with three.

30:17

Yeah.

30:18

So she's right in right in the age for

30:18

when we can transition here a little bit,

30:24

was she's right in the age with ~

30:24

Abracadabra,

30:27

my book. So my book is a six for six to

30:27

nine year olds,

30:28

Yeah.

30:31

and I also have a coloring book,

30:33

which by the way goes up to I don't care

30:33

how long old and even Abracadabra itself,

30:38

the illustrated book.

30:41

Have it. I think I have it right here.

30:43

The illustrated book goes to 71 at least.

30:47

I had a 71 year old man, Travis,

30:50

who literally called me one month after

30:50

the book was published and said,

30:55

Terry, I found your book. And he found me

30:55

because I was in some business with him,

30:59

because I've changed so many businesses so

30:59

many times.

31:00

Mm-hmm.

31:01

But and he said to me, I was on your list.

31:06

So I was on he was on my list and he

31:06

happened to get it and he got it for his.

31:11

granddaughter who was twelve, but he read

31:11

it.

31:13

And at that point in his life,

31:15

which is just this year, he had rheumatoid

31:15

arthritis.

31:19

And his PT group was just starting to talk

31:19

to

31:22

him how ~ how he needs to integrate,

31:28

you know, just positive talk and mindset.

31:32

So he reads my book for the four to for

31:32

for the you know,

31:36

for the six to nine. And he said,

31:37

Terry, change my life.

31:40

He said, I'm reading it every night.

31:42

It's unbelievable. And his review is

31:42

actually on Amazon,

31:46

a beautiful soul who bared it to me and

31:46

about his granddaughter as well,

31:51

that he's very concerned about and wanted

31:51

to get the book for her.

31:54

And ~ yeah, it was really, really special.

31:57

And that's when I realized that,

31:59

wow, this book is going to literally span

31:59

generations.

32:03

How amazing. How absolutely incredible.

32:07

So now I'm on the journey.

32:09

~ the book is written. You know,

32:12

of course I don't have enough reviews,

32:13

and I'd love every single one of your

32:13

people to try and buy it or even

32:17

get it on Kindle and give me a review.

32:19

You know, Kindle's really cheap.

32:20

It's like $2.99. I get paid. It's not

32:20

about me and money at all.

32:25

It's really about the message.

32:28

The message is so important to me.

32:29

It's a mission of mine to empower

32:29

children.

32:35

Children are

32:38

actually the least empowered demographic.

32:40

So I didn't even realize that when I wrote

32:40

it.

32:45

I wrote it over 14 years ago. So imagine I

32:45

write this book over 14 years ago.

32:50

It's hanging out because and because I at

32:50

that point in my life had some cynicism.

32:56

And remember I was used to cynicism in my

32:56

life.

32:57

Mm-hmm.

33:00

Right. So I had some cynicism going on

33:00

then and it just the whole story just came

33:06

to me. And I think it's

33:08

It's a bit very much about me too.

33:10

I mean, I was bullied as a kid.

33:12

~ yeah, I was a pretty happy go lucky kid,

33:15

but I was bullied horribly and I used to

33:15

walk out of that elevator.

33:19

And if I heard the angst or any kind of

33:19

argument in this house down the hallway,

33:24

all I would want to do is cry and run back

33:24

into my room

33:29

and create happy. And I immediately came

33:29

that mediator.

33:35

to put levity and happiness in the

33:35

household.

33:38

And I think that's why dad and I also

33:38

would kind of kid and and laugh

33:44

and be absolutely hysterical over the

33:44

silliest things,

33:47

you know, because all we love to really do

33:47

is laugh together.

33:51

And laughter is the best antidote.

33:54

It really is. It's the best. I I use it

33:54

with mom all the time.

33:59

I mean it's amazing how if my face shifts

34:05

And I just have a little smile with her,

34:08

her whole being shifts.

34:13

So my my question while you were saying

34:13

all that that came up was

34:19

W why ~ you said it was written like over

34:19

fourteen years ago.

34:22

Why wait until now to publish it?

34:23

Yeah.

34:26

You know, I I part of me could kick myself

34:26

because now everybody's writing

34:29

Okay.

34:30

a children's book, right? Like if I came

34:30

out with this book 14 years ago,

34:33

it would have been like insane.

34:35

And well, you know, but I really also feel

34:35

like it's a poignant time.

34:40

This time that this book is coming out

34:40

right now is extremely poignant.

34:44

I mean, kids are more distracted

34:50

by what is outside of them between

34:53

The media and the social media and the

34:53

television and their friends

34:59

and the competition and and all of it,

35:03

that it is so imperative that

35:08

we teach them to trust themselves,

35:13

to trust their own, what I like to call

35:13

inner wizard.

35:17

It is

35:19

So important that they start looking for

35:19

approval because they trust

35:26

themselves within themselves, not approval

35:26

on the outside.

35:31

That's when a kid's gonna grow up into an

35:31

adult who creates a life they love.

35:37

Because that's what I'm also showing them

35:37

in the book,

35:42

is through Danny and Danny's experience,

35:45

her parents are just spatting,

35:47

you know.

35:48

Having an argument. You could see it in

35:48

the background.

35:50

And Danny's running down to the lake.

35:52

And she goes down to the lake and she sees

35:52

her image in the lake.

35:56

When she sees that image in the lake,

35:58

the image becomes her sage and starts

35:58

talking to her about the power within

36:04

her to create a life she's going to love.

36:06

And that she has the ability to do that.

36:09

Yet the image also stops because she sees

36:09

Danny crying

36:15

and she acknowledges that.

36:17

And that's a huge lesson for all of us to

36:17

acknowledge each other's emotions.

36:22

Cause we wanna wipe it away a lot.

36:26

We don't know what to say, we don't know

36:26

how to say,

36:28

we don't you know, there's a lot of that

36:28

that goes on too.

36:32

yes, for sure. And I I think ~ learning to

36:32

trust yourself

36:39

and believe in yourself was huge,

36:41

especially with what you were you were

36:41

just said with media and everything that

36:46

have right in front of their faces.

36:47

I grew up in the nineties. So I I think

36:47

that I grew up in an age that

36:52

was we've seen some cool technology,

36:54

but at the same time I feel like

36:54

technology today it's the

36:59

the experiences of growing up are just way

36:59

different.

37:03

Yeah, and it's taking over and AI's ~ a

37:03

very interesting piece to it.

37:08

And ~ I've had discussions with people

37:08

about this about children

37:15

growing up in a age where and we feel this

37:15

way too as adults where what

37:20

is real anymore? We don't we don't know

37:20

what is real anymore.

37:22

Mm-hmm. It's it's scary,

37:23

And it's and it's very, very scary in that

37:23

way.

37:27

yeah.

37:27

So it's very scary in that way.

37:29

So, you know, talking to kids,

37:31

you know, I I I

37:33

I touch upon community in the book.

37:35

You know, she's got, you know,

37:37

she's got this Danny's got this just

37:37

beautiful way about her so she

37:42

can bring people together. Right?

37:44

That's what her her sage talks to her

37:44

about and that she really has

37:48

the power inside of her. And at the end of

37:48

the book it's very interesting because

37:52

I talk about how silly and easy it is.

37:55

And honestly, Travis, it really is.

37:59

I think ~ I think

38:02

Part of being an adult or being the the

38:02

victim adult is also complicating our

38:09

Let's make it really complicated.

38:11

So then we can give ourselves major

38:11

accolades.

38:15

It's like everybody also loves the

38:15

underdog,

38:18

right? Everybody loves that sad sap story

38:18

and people come through.

38:19

Mm-hmm.

38:22

And I think it's beautiful not to take

38:22

anything away from any of those stories.

38:27

You know, ~ seeing seeing someone.

38:32

Who has broken in my life actually,

38:35

I saw someone who who broke one leg and

38:35

both b broke both femurs.

38:39

Okay. And literally from I think it was

38:39

June that that he broke them,

38:45

was back on skis in December and his

38:45

doctor said,

38:48

No way. There is absolutely no way you're

38:48

gonna do it and he said,

38:51

Yeah, sh watch me.

38:56

So those kind of stories are really

38:56

powerful,

38:59

but it didn't make him a victim,

39:01

right? Right.

39:04

So we, you know, we have the ability to

39:04

turn our stories around really,

39:09

really quickly. And through this book and

39:09

and Danny and such,

39:13

I my goal

39:17

is to have generations understand that

39:17

they do have that ability

39:24

to create lives they love.

39:26

Because when they grow into loving adults,

39:29

they will be kinder and they will be more

39:29

connected to themselves

39:34

and others around them. And that's the

39:34

kind of world that I'd like to leave.

39:38

That's truly my mission. And I'm hoping

39:38

that people join me on it,

39:42

whether it's through the book or once I

39:42

launch the Inner Magic Club dot com.

39:49

That's gonna be a site that is gonna be

39:49

absolutely tremendous for kids

39:55

to build their

39:57

their skills in in social learning.

39:59

It's gonna be outrageous. So that's

39:59

something I'm working on and it's gonna

40:04

some time. But I'm excited about it.

40:05

That's great. I absolutely love it.

40:06

Really excited. Yeah. Yeah.

40:09

And when I think of the word abracadabra,

40:12

I think of first thing is magic,

40:14

obviously. And so what does magic

40:14

represent in your life beyond the fantasy

40:23

So if you look up the word Abercadabra,

40:25

it's actually a word that means create

40:25

with your

40:32

word. I don't know if you know that.

40:34

That I did not know that.

40:35

And that's really powerful,

40:38

okay, for someone like me who that's it's

40:38

my whole world.

40:38

That is very powerful, yeah.

40:43

And I didn't name it, by the way,

40:46

because I knew that. I named it.

40:50

I see, these are the synchronicities.

40:52

Travis White, if I could talk to you about

40:52

synchronicities in my life,

40:54

He

40:55

you'd be blown away. I mean, it's just

40:55

insane what's gone on in so many ways.

41:00

And it and it's f and it's very fun.

41:02

And I think when we're in a space,

41:07

and this is a great lesson that I've

41:07

learned when I'm in a space where

41:12

I'm just more in joy, and I like to say

41:12

that I N joy than E N joy.

41:19

I'm in joy more than not. And I'm kind of

41:19

not so worried.

41:25

Because worry is just like almost a wasted

41:25

time,

41:29

you know, worrying about things that have

41:29

never happened before.

41:33

Okay, let's really create that narrative.

41:36

So that just that never made sense to me.

41:38

So I I'm not attached nor necessarily

41:38

worried because I know that everything's

41:45

work out for me. And that's the mantra

41:45

that I have in my book as well.

41:49

That I share with children with stickers

41:49

and the rest of the jazz.

41:52

But I abracadabra means truly create with

41:52

your

41:59

word. And that's exactly what I'm teaching

41:59

Danny in this book.

42:01

And that's exactly what I'm teaching

42:01

children,

42:03

is that their words are incredibly empower

42:03

powerful.

42:07

And more powerful is the way they're

42:07

talking to themselves.

42:13

So again, back to being your best friend.

42:18

So everything is like in a in in a cycle,

42:22

you know, it it it always comes back,

42:24

it always goes around and around.

42:26

And what's interesting about kids,

42:29

and I'm sure you know this having four,

42:32

is that they start to lose a little bit of

42:32

their light.

42:39

Right? As adults, we really do.

42:41

Somehow it's been squelched out of them.

42:45

You know, they feel like taking on and

42:45

this this is great for your older

42:49

taking on responsibility means they have

42:49

to be super serious and their light

42:53

has to go away. Who said that that was a

42:53

rule?

43:00

Right? I was still having fun with my

43:00

father when my father was eight.

43:00

Yeah. Yeah.

43:04

We were still having such silly times.

43:06

It didn't matter.

43:09

Yeah, and my my wife will always tell

43:09

people that she married a man child.

43:15

Yeah. Yeah. It's great.

43:16

'Cause I'm

43:18

she said that sometimes I'm on the same

43:18

wavelength as our four year old son.

43:22

I was like, Hey, I'll I'll take it.

43:23

Absolutely.

43:24

'Cause I I know how to enjoy life.

43:26

Exactly.

43:28

I'm not saying that I don't have my ups

43:28

and downs but in my moments,

43:29

There's nothing wrong with that.

43:31

Right.

43:33

but in

43:36

But who said that that that that there's

43:36

anything wrong with that?

43:39

That you're gonna be taking so much less

43:39

seriously.

43:42

I'd rather be, you know, in

43:46

a state of just joy

43:51

and awe and excitement over what's next

43:51

and this planet that we live

43:58

on that's so incredibly beautiful.

44:00

As to why we wanna our list is growing,

44:00

Mm-hmm.

44:03

Travis, as we said earlier, of

44:04

places that we want to travel and such.

44:06

It's you know, it's an incredible world

44:06

that we live in.

44:10

And, you know, when you when you lose

44:10

people in your life,

44:15

which I did that you know of, a very,

44:18

very close friend of mine and things get

44:18

super serious.

44:24

You look at situations like that and you

44:24

say,

44:28

Where's the gift? Where's the learning?

44:35

And the learning itself is the gift.

44:40

You see. So that's when you when you have

44:40

a when you shift your perspective

44:46

to always knowing that everything's

44:46

working out and that there's a learning,

44:51

then nothing's really good or bad.

44:55

It's just kind of what is and you play

44:55

with it.

45:00

And you start playing with the universe.

45:03

And then all those things that you want to

45:03

manifest kind of fall

45:06

in your lap magically in ways that you

45:06

would never think would have.

45:11

Yeah. And my problem is is sometimes I'm

45:11

not a I'm a very anxious driven person.

45:16

So it's like those moments like aren't

45:16

always easy for me and

45:21

I I just hate like the the unknown.

45:26

That's my problem is the unknown.

45:28

But it's something that I'm w yep,

45:29

Yep. Or the waiting.

45:31

the waiting too. But it's something that

45:31

I'm working on every single

45:34

day to ~ overcome,

45:38

I should say.

45:40

I've listened to a many, many people in my

45:40

life and one very special individual,

45:46

Esther Hicks and Abraham, would say things

45:46

like the reason why it's taking

45:52

so long to get what you want

45:57

It because you're acknowledging that it's

45:57

taking so long.

46:05

And that for me means get super present,

46:10

get super grateful, and just kind of move

46:10

through life,

46:15

not thinking that the moment you have now

46:15

is not good enough,

46:20

that it's gotta be better. It's gotta be

46:20

better,

46:23

it's gotta be faster.

46:26

Yeah. It's it it just reminds me how today

46:26

is it's instant gratification

46:32

and we're we don't get that. That's never

46:32

the case.

46:37

And we literally get frustrating.

46:39

Really frustrating. I mean it's it's just

46:39

take it down a notch,

46:39

Mm-hmm.

46:44

people. Right?

46:46

Yeah, as my therapist once told me,

46:49

low your expectations. If if your

46:49

expectations are here

46:54

and you're just having difficulty,

46:57

put it just to right here and you'll

46:57

actually see an increase

47:02

in your happiness level.

47:07

It's an interesting way to think about it,

47:09

in terms of lowering expectations.

47:12

I I

47:18

I just also feel like

47:24

I don't know if we need to live life with

47:24

all of these expectations all the time.

47:29

Yeah, I agree with that.

47:31

Like if we could stay in a space where

47:31

we're just enjoying what we have.

47:36

And in the knowing that things will work

47:36

out,

47:40

and you have different goals and you have

47:40

different things that you want

47:45

and you desire, but you don't yearn for

47:45

them.

47:49

See, when you yearn for them, it's a

47:49

completely different frequency where

47:53

coming from lack. And if you're coming

47:53

from lack,

47:55

Mm.

47:57

forget it.

48:00

Or if you're coming from a competition or

48:00

that one has it and you

48:05

and you're seeing all of that that you

48:05

focus on everybody else who

48:08

has things that you don't have.

48:10

Never gonna happen. Whatever you want,

48:13

that is. So you know, we come into this

48:13

world empty handed and we go

48:18

out of this world empty handed.

48:19

yeah.

48:20

It's a great line in another Billy Joel

48:20

song.

48:23

So it's i 'cause you wake up you wake up

48:23

by yourself.

48:27

That's that's a line in his song.

48:28

It's

48:29

A great line. And it's true. I mean,

48:32

we really do. So think about that.

48:35

When I when I the humbling experience of

48:35

driving three weeks with that

48:41

bag was unbelievable. Everything I needed,

48:46

Travis, was in that bag. I needed nothing

48:46

else.

48:51

I had a storage unit up in Hartford,

48:53

Connecticut. I have a I had a trunk I

48:53

couldn't even open.

48:57

And everything I needed to live was in

48:57

this duffel bag.

49:01

And that was the most humbling experience

49:01

I ever had in my life.

49:08

And I think that's why sometimes I ~

49:08

though listen,

49:12

don't get me wrong, I love travel,

49:14

I love really beautiful things and be I'm

49:14

a Libra.

49:17

I mean I love I love love, I love beauty,

49:18

Yeah.

49:20

I love balance, I love all of these great

49:20

things and great clothes

49:24

and this and that. Yet at the same time I

49:24

could live super simply.

49:29

Just very simply, you know?

49:34

in the end, if you think about it,

49:35

we don't need all that stuff. Like it's we

49:35

like it and love it.

49:43

Right. But media, you know, again,

49:46

I go back to and I and I was listening to

49:46

someone the other day who's,

49:50

you know, ~ a money master, let's say we

49:50

call her,

49:55

and she was on a pod. I was listening to

49:55

her,

49:57

and she said she's met the most miserable

49:57

people who have millions

50:04

and billions. It's not about that.

50:07

It's it's just really shifting the

50:07

perspective.

50:13

on I believe what's important which is the

50:13

now.

50:19

And when you start getting grateful,

50:21

you start to smile. And when you smile,

50:24

the world changes. Right in front of you.

50:27

You know.

50:29

H that actually reminds me of some comedy

50:29

special that I saw.

50:34

Like some piece of it where he's talking

50:34

about people that

50:37

are ungrateful compared to people that are

50:37

grateful.

50:39

And for some reason, the people that are

50:39

grateful,

50:43

he relates them to rednecks. And he Yeah,

50:46

Thank you.

50:47

and he's saying that like, you know,

50:49

I came from a redneck town and when I

50:49

asked so and so down the street

50:53

how her day was, she'll tell me all her

50:53

problems,

50:55

but at the very end she'll say

50:57

But I'm so blessed to have what I have in

50:57

this life.

51:02

But she'll state all her problems.

51:04

That's interesting. That's really

51:04

interesting.

51:04

Yeah.

51:07

Well, some people would equate gratitude

51:07

with ~

51:15

with religious studies and Bible.

51:17

And ~ you know,

51:22

the the mid the middle states are more and

51:22

the southern states are into,

51:27

you know, I lived in the in the Bible belt

51:27

for a while.

51:32

Amelia Island was part of the Bible belt

51:32

in some ways.

51:35

And ~ I used to make bookmarks with

51:35

crosses.

51:40

They were absolute Bible bookmarks.

51:42

Absolutely beautiful.

51:44

Really truly beautiful and special.

51:46

And 'cause I have this creative bl brain

51:46

that just has to keep on creating

51:51

and I love working with my hands.

51:53

I have so many beads under my bed right

51:53

now,

51:56

it's frightening.

51:56

Yeah.

51:59

So I

52:04

I feel that gratitude as a human being

52:09

is is something that is taken for granted.

52:14

We take for granted a lot of s a lot of

52:14

things in this country,

52:19

you know. And I

52:23

I believe that when we get grateful for

52:23

I'm talking about

52:29

the really basic things, like

52:33

ten fingers and ten toes, you know,

52:37

I mean there are people out there always,

52:40

always in a tougher situation.

52:43

And every single one of us is blessed.

52:47

We can always find something, you know,

52:50

Mm-hmm.

52:50

that to be grateful for and focus on that

52:50

for a while for every day.

52:57

And find the three things and then add

52:57

another and add another.

53:02

And smile at a hum another human being and

53:02

open up the door.

53:05

I mean, always you know, the golden rule

53:05

really works,

53:09

which is treat others the you know,

53:12

the way you would treat yourself.

53:13

I mean and think about that when you

53:13

decide to become friends with yourself,

53:18

'cause how would you treat yourself?

53:21

Yeah, it's it's very true. And it's I

53:21

always 'cause there there's times where

53:27

I I treat myself pretty bad, but I've

53:27

always tried to be nice

53:31

to everybody around me, and that's for one

53:31

reason.

53:33

Mm.

53:34

You never know what they're going through.

53:38

Right. It's very, very,

53:41

very true. And a lot

53:44

of people are afraid

53:49

to ask and to meet people where they are

53:49

because they're afraid

53:54

Mm-hmm.

53:55

of the answer and they're afraid of

53:55

intimacy.

53:59

Yeah, that's very true. But then I feel

53:59

like on the flip side,

54:05

it's there's also those people that they

54:05

get asked the question like,

54:10

How are you doing? And it's like,

54:13

I'm okay. I'm okay. Are you really or are

54:13

you just telling me that?

54:20

Absolutely. Absolutely. So what would the

54:20

next question be,

54:24

you think? Instead of saying, Are you

54:24

okay?

54:30

If you know what's happening in someone's

54:30

life,

54:32

you could always say, So how are you

54:32

feeling about

54:37

Yeah, that's

54:37

You know,

54:38

tell me tell me about what's happening

54:38

with.

54:40

So it's not it's also not a a closed-ended

54:40

question where it's a yes

54:45

Mm-hmm.

54:46

or no where they can, you know,

54:48

t they can respond and would respond,

54:51

or you share with them how you're feeling

54:51

about something because that always opens

54:56

up the door for someone feeling safe

54:56

enough to share what's happening for them.

55:01

Yes, for sure.

55:02

So

55:03

all of this is all about vulnerability and

55:03

getting vulnerable,

55:07

especially with your partner, is the way

55:07

marriages stay together,

55:11

I feel. Getting vulnerable with your

55:11

partner and also appreciating them every

55:16

day and letting them

55:19

I really believe that appreciation's the

55:19

biggest thing for every everybody wants

55:25

to be appreciated and loved, right?

55:27

So even people in jobs, what do they want?

55:28

Mm-hmm.

55:30

They want acknowledgement. They'd love

55:30

more money too.

55:32

But let's say the money couldn't happen

55:32

for six months.

55:36

If they weren't acknowledged, they'd

55:36

probably leave their job.

55:39

Yeah, and that small bit of an

55:39

acknowledgement and a job or a little

55:42

bit of praise goes a long ways.

55:45

It's so big, so big, and it's so easy to

55:45

do.

55:50

I

55:50

totally agree.

55:56

Great talk here, Chavis White.

55:58

This is fun.

56:02

I love I love conversations.

56:03

I always tell people I feel like I'm

56:03

getting a free therapy session

56:07

to every every conversation that I have.

56:09

'Cause there's so many th there's only

56:09

everybody has little bits and pieces that

56:11

Isn't that great? Yeah.

56:16

I can pick up on.

56:18

Yeah. Different nuances to to a life well

56:18

lived,

56:22

you know. And and to be able to pass that

56:22

on

56:23

Yes, for sure.

56:28

to other people is something that I've

56:28

wanted to do my whole life.

56:31

That's why, you know, getting into ~ life

56:31

coaching

56:38

was really important to me and getting

56:38

certified in that

56:40

and neuro linguistic programming and a

56:40

hypnosis and stuff,

56:44

all of that stuff.

56:46

is really important, but it really comes

56:46

down to this.

56:51

the conversation. And in our society right

56:51

now we're having less and that less

56:56

of them because of AI and because of media

56:56

and television and s you know,

57:02

streaming and scrolling and, you know,

57:06

the S's to the nth power. So

57:12

If we can just find time in our day every

57:12

day to say hello

57:18

to someone we don't know, give them a

57:18

smile,

57:22

right? Open the door, do a kind gesture.

57:27

I mean, all of this will just kind of

57:27

spread.

57:33

You know, I knew the gentleman actually

57:33

who was the first one who did

57:38

the pay it forward down in Florida.

57:42

And he was written up and he w I think he

57:42

was in a ~ in the media for

57:47

it where he paid for someone else's coffee

57:47

behind him.

57:51

And then that person paid that coffee and

57:51

so on and so on.

57:55

And that whole pay it forward thing

57:55

started to sprout across the across the

58:01

which was really, really fun. Well think

58:01

about that.

58:03

Think about that for kindness in general

58:03

and how how much better we'd all feel.

58:12

Yeah, in this society. And right now this

58:12

this world,

58:16

this our United States and this society

58:16

really could use a boost of kindness.

58:23

Yes, it could. I I feel like this is

58:23

another topic of itself,

58:27

but we're split in so many different ways.

58:31

And yet we're really not. We're really

58:31

not.

58:33

Yeah.

58:36

I mean, if you really get down to to the

58:36

nitty gritty,

58:40

we all want the same thing. It's peace.

58:43

Yeah. Yeah.

58:44

Really peace and happiness and freedom and

58:44

just we want

58:50

to live our lives.

58:51

Be left alone, correct?

58:55

That's it. We just wanna, you know,

58:57

live our lives and and leave it,

59:00

you know, as beautiful as we can.

59:02

And no matter what we do in our life,

59:06

we are leaving some kind of stamp.

59:08

You don't have to be a movie star,

59:11

you don't have to be, you know 'cause

59:11

again,

59:14

we all leave the same way. I mean we all

59:14

really leave the same way.

59:16

Mm-hmm.

59:18

So, you know what? Stop putting so much

59:18

pressure on yourself and

59:24

You know, get happy in the moment and just

59:24

really ~

59:30

Become your best friend.

59:34

I really believe that.

59:36

just goes back to your book. I love it.

59:37

I love I love I really do love that

59:37

message.

59:38

Mm-hmm.

59:40

It

59:41

Thank you so

59:42

much. Yeah. And I don't even write that in

59:42

the book.

59:46

This is the becoming your best friend is

59:46

something that I started

59:50

to talk about literally, Travis,

59:53

in the past couple of weeks. I don't know

59:53

how it came to me,

59:58

but I was I I'm really not sure.

1:00:01

But when it came to

1:00:06

Talking to yourself and the self talk.

1:00:09

You know, I used to think to myself,

1:00:12

on my own I I used to say to myself,

1:00:14

you know, I like my company. I go to a lot

1:00:14

of things alone.

1:00:18

I really do. You know? I've moved so many

1:00:18

times,

1:00:22

unfortunately, that I my community is

1:00:22

spread out all over the place.

1:00:27

So unfortunately it's not and you know,

1:00:30

it's not here here where I am physically.

1:00:34

And that makes it a little tough on me.

1:00:36

'Cause it can get lonely. But at the same

1:00:36

time,

1:00:38

Mm-hmm.

1:00:39

you know, I'm trying to build new

1:00:39

friendships and I'm doing that through

1:00:43

sites like neighborhood and all of that

1:00:43

and you know,

1:00:47

and I still go out and I can go out like I

1:00:47

did last night for the soccer game,

1:00:51

you know, down to a couple of local bars

1:00:51

in Bayside and and had a blast.

1:00:57

You know, just met people. 'Cause I you

1:00:57

know,

1:01:00

I'm that kind of personality though.

1:01:02

Not everybody's like that. A lot of

1:01:02

people,

1:01:04

you know, won't go

1:01:05

places by themselves, which I understand.

1:01:07

~ yeah, my I I like to go to concerts by

1:01:07

myself.

1:01:11

That's like that's me. That's how I de

1:01:11

escalate and get my anxiety

1:01:17

on track and my wife always tells me that

1:01:17

you're that weird guy that stands alone.

1:01:19

that's awesome.

1:01:24

I said, Hey, I can do what I want.

1:01:26

I don't have to get permission from

1:01:26

anybody else.

1:01:31

I don't have to be like, Hey dude,

1:01:32

like ~ are we good to go now? Do you wanna

1:01:32

go stand over here?

1:01:35

No, I can

1:01:37

Do how I please.

1:01:38

Yep.

1:01:39

Exactly. Exactly. When I go to see Le Miz

1:01:39

the arena concert on Thursday night,

1:01:45

I'm gonna have tons of tissues with me and

1:01:45

I'll probably be hysterical crying

1:01:48

in the corner, please.

1:01:49

Hehehehe

1:01:52

Like, you know,

1:01:52

it's okay. I don't really care.

1:01:54

No makeup or anything 'cause it will be

1:01:54

all over me and you know But

1:01:59

I figure that that's what's probably gonna

1:01:59

happen.

1:02:01

But I'm happy to go to something like

1:02:01

that.

1:02:04

In other words, I'm not gonna miss out on

1:02:04

the things that I wanna

1:02:06

do because I'm solo.

1:02:10

That doesn't make sense to me.

1:02:11

I think I believe I deserve more than

1:02:11

that.

1:02:14

And if I wanna see something, I'm gonna go

1:02:14

see it.

1:02:16

So that's not gonna stop me. Yeah.

1:02:19

But of course, you know, you wanna share

1:02:19

your life and there there's

1:02:23

fun things to share. And I think that's

1:02:23

part of why I'm really enjoying being

1:02:27

a guest on on podcasts as well,

1:02:30

because I get to talk about this and

1:02:33

You've opened the door, Travis White,

1:02:35

to so much more here and it's ~ lovely to

1:02:35

have a true conversation.

1:02:40

'Cause lately, like I said to you before,

1:02:43

the podcasts have been a little bit

1:02:43

different where it's like question,

1:02:46

answer, question, answer. And that to me

1:02:46

is a bit more boring.

1:02:51

It's not a conversation.

1:02:51

Yeah. Yeah yeah,

1:02:54

my my favorite podcasts are conversations,

1:02:56

so I was like I that's what I want to

1:02:56

mirror.

1:02:58

~ Exactly.

1:02:58

But I I want it to be yeah,

1:03:03

it's your st I just still want it to be

1:03:03

the guest's story,

1:03:06

not my own. So I try not to throw like too

1:03:06

much of my own story out there,

1:03:12

but

1:03:13

Yeah, it's perfect. Terrific. I love it.

1:03:17

And I would love to you had mentioned you

1:03:17

lost a loved one and we discussed this

1:03:23

a little bit before the show. I'd love to

1:03:23

touch base on that if that's okay with

1:03:28

you.

1:03:33

It's ~ it's still quite raw, interestingly

1:03:33

enough,

1:03:38

yet it also seems like a year.

1:03:42

So imagine that early March,

1:03:46

and what is it now? July.

1:03:49

July.

1:03:49

So it's it's incredible that it's not even

1:03:49

six months,

1:03:56

and it still feels like a year,

1:03:58

but truly my best friend, she's the

1:04:02

She took her life when I was actually in

1:04:02

the house.

1:04:06

And I didn't know, so it was overnight.

1:04:09

I thank God wasn't the one that found her,

1:04:12

yet I knew when I knocked on the door and

1:04:12

I couldn't open the door.

1:04:15

It was you just you know, your gut.

1:04:17

And it was

1:04:21

A travesty, it was tragic, it was ~

1:04:30

Very difficult. And I need a community,

1:04:33

which I had. ~ to and people would reach

1:04:33

out,

1:04:39

one person in diff in particular reached

1:04:39

out and said,

1:04:41

What do you need? See, that's where it's

1:04:41

so important,

1:04:45

right? Because you never know what people

1:04:45

need.

1:04:48

And at that point, what I shared is I need

1:04:48

community.

1:04:52

I need someone to pull together a memorial

1:04:52

service within two days because

1:04:56

I have to leave to go get my mother.

1:05:00

That's how quick it was.

1:05:03

And there was standing room only,

1:05:05

Travis, for this individual in a church.

1:05:08

And people were outside wanting to get in.

1:05:10

It's unreal. That was two days.

1:05:13

There was still some people who didn't

1:05:13

even know.

1:05:16

So the most amazing thing is how much

1:05:25

She impacted the people that she met all

1:05:25

over the world

1:05:30

and in businesses and and did

1:05:33

not mentally believe that she would be

1:05:33

able

1:05:39

to do that again. She was reinventing

1:05:39

herself and had a very difficult time

1:05:45

it.

1:05:48

And a big part of it was getting off

1:05:48

medication that was very important

1:05:53

to keep her ~ to keep her healthy.

1:05:58

And when you start to screw with

1:05:58

medication,

1:06:04

it's you're not even you're not even

1:06:04

you're not even dealing with what what

1:06:06

it's bad, yeah.

1:06:10

I say to people is you're n actually not

1:06:10

even dealing with the same person.

1:06:19

And it's very hard to believe that because

1:06:19

the person looks the same,

1:06:24

sounds the same, doesn't s and this person

1:06:24

was so brilliant that

1:06:30

she talked anyone under the table,

1:06:31

so acting was an ish ~ an issue as to how

1:06:31

well she is or or what you know,

1:06:37

wasn't but

1:06:40

the the astonishing part

1:06:44

is you're still reacting to her

1:06:49

and with that individual who's going

1:06:49

through this in a way that they're

1:06:55

not they're not they're not the same

1:06:55

person.

1:06:57

But it's hard for us to believe that when

1:06:57

they're going when they're down this kind

1:07:03

of a a slide, right? And going down this

1:07:03

kind of slide.

1:07:09

It's

1:07:12

As I said to you in the beginning of the

1:07:12

show,

1:07:13

it's gonna be a day that will last for me

1:07:13

and then for me.

1:07:17

That whole week.

1:07:20

And I I feel like when you get so far

1:07:20

down,

1:07:24

especially if you're dealing with

1:07:24

depression,

1:07:26

among other things too, it's

1:07:30

you almost find easy to put on a mask in

1:07:30

front of other people.

1:07:39

No doubt. I mean and and you know what's

1:07:39

funny about it is we talked about

1:07:45

it before. I mean, even when people aren't

1:07:45

going through stuff,

1:07:48

but you ask them how they are doing and

1:07:48

most people will say,

1:07:51

Fine. I'm fine. I'm good.

1:07:54

Everything's all right. You know.

1:07:57

And it's and it's because we're also in

1:07:57

the race,

1:08:00

right? We don't have time. We also n don't

1:08:00

necessarily feel ~ that

1:08:00

Mm-hmm.

1:08:05

the person who's asking that right now

1:08:08

maybe you really want to open up to that

1:08:08

individual,

1:08:11

you know. And ~ and then we never know

1:08:11

what to say after.

1:08:15

Yeah. Well yeah.

1:08:16

It's like we just don't he you know,

1:08:18

if someone says, Hey, you know,

1:08:20

I I think I said that to someone the other

1:08:20

day.

1:08:23

They said, How are you doing? I said,

1:08:25

Well things could be could be a bit better

1:08:25

between mom and I right right

1:08:28

at this second. I'm really sorry to hear

1:08:28

that.

1:08:30

Yeah.

1:08:33

I said, Yeah, so am I and that and that's

1:08:33

it.

1:08:36

I mean

1:08:36

Sometimes it's all you need. it depends on

1:08:36

what kind of person you are to you know,

1:08:42

to open up or not, though I think it's

1:08:42

important to know again,

1:08:47

to meet people, try to meet people where

1:08:47

they are.

1:08:51

And also it's important to forgive

1:08:51

yourself 'cause as you could imagine,

1:08:57

and I've had these conversations over and

1:08:57

over,

1:09:00

is well Terry, do you think you could have

1:09:00

done anything different?

1:09:07

That the outcome would have been

1:09:07

different.

1:09:10

Right? And of course,

1:09:14

you know, you can't imagine. I mean,

1:09:16

I I I went down that that funnel for a

1:09:16

while,

1:09:21

you know, going over it in my mind of what

1:09:21

was said the day before,

1:09:25

the day the night before, you know,

1:09:27

and the crazy synchronicities that night.

1:09:35

And

1:09:39

You just you you you say to yourself,

1:09:41

No, actually no.

1:09:45

I the gift is that I was there.

1:09:47

The gift is that she did choose to do this

1:09:47

while I was there because

1:09:53

she knew that I'd handle it the way I

1:09:53

handled it.

1:09:56

You know? And I so I know why.

1:10:00

And if she had done it after or before

1:10:00

when I wasn't there,

1:10:04

when I couldn't get there or I couldn't

1:10:04

make it there,

1:10:06

then I would have been like really upset.

1:10:09

You know?

1:10:13

But am I gonna miss her terribly?

1:10:15

Every day. Every single day.

1:10:18

And is there anything that you learned

1:10:18

about mental illness that you

1:10:24

may have not grasped before this,

1:10:27

~ before the loss of your friend that you

1:10:27

like took away from it?

1:10:44

I think

1:10:48

I think more than anything, when people

1:10:53

make different decisions, major decisions

1:10:53

about their life and life changes.

1:10:59

That you have to be really careful not to

1:10:59

do too many changes

1:11:06

at once. I did it to myself years ago.

1:11:10

I was getting married, changed jobs,

1:11:14

moved, and I think bought a car or

1:11:14

something,

1:11:18

all at the same like all at the same time.

1:11:21

And it's a

1:11:23

It's a little much. And I think I bought a

1:11:23

business too.

1:11:26

Right. That's what happened. And I and I

1:11:26

think it was just it was overwhelming.

1:11:32

And there are some personalities that can

1:11:32

handle that,

1:11:35

especially if you have resources.

1:11:37

But there are some people who,

1:11:39

depending on how sensitive whatever

1:11:39

they're doing is,

1:11:42

you have to be really, really careful.

1:11:44

And I think that we as humans can get

1:11:44

overloaded.

1:11:51

And we have to be really super careful and

1:11:51

give ourselves again that grace that

1:11:58

we need. And ~ and allow ourselves

1:12:04

to be patient with ourselves. Patience is

1:12:04

really,

1:12:07

really important, you know, and seek the

1:12:07

help that we need.

1:12:12

I mean, raise your hand. And if you know

1:12:12

that you're

1:12:18

one of those people that can act.

1:12:22

Right? That has that way of just saying,

1:12:26

yeah, everything's okay, and just kind of

1:12:26

sweeping things under the rug,

1:12:29

and you're feeling different than that.

1:12:35

Time for help. It's time to raise your

1:12:35

hand.

1:12:38

It really is.

1:12:39

Yes.

1:12:40

Very well said. And I I love you've

1:12:40

mentioned it before earlier in the

1:12:45

~ showing yourself grace. I I can't go

1:12:45

into that enough because

1:12:51

during my hardest times that I I was never

1:12:51

a person to show myself grace ever.

1:12:56

I never gave me any leeway for that

1:12:56

because there's been times in my life

1:13:00

and I still do it to this day where I'm

1:13:00

really extremely harsh on myself.

1:13:05

And until you learn how to

1:13:09

show yourself grace and sh celebrate those

1:13:09

the small steps.

1:13:13

I w is for me,

1:13:16

I guess I should only speak for myself.

1:13:17

I didn't f feel like I got anywhere.

1:13:21

Mm. Mm. But we do by giving ourselves the

1:13:21

patience,

1:13:25

Yeah.

1:13:26

we're we're allowing first of all,

1:13:28

Mm-hmm.

1:13:30

we're allowing our creative juices to flow

1:13:30

more,

1:13:33

right? And we're we need to regenerate.

1:13:35

Mm-hmm.

1:13:40

That's why sleep is so important.

1:13:42

You know? So when we give ourselves any

1:13:42

kind of grace at any time,

1:13:49

we're literally giving ourselves the

1:13:49

permission to regenerate and giving you

1:13:56

giving our heart, you know, a nod.

1:13:59

And I think it's I think it's really,

1:14:01

really important to do that, ~ very,

1:14:04

very much. So yeah,

1:14:07

it was ~

1:14:10

was an a an unbelievable time and

1:14:16

I tried to do my best through it all.

1:14:18

Mm-hmm. You know.

1:14:20

That's it's all you can do is give it your

1:14:20

best.

1:14:24

Do you and do you feel like 'cause to me

1:14:24

you you're

1:14:28

a very optimistic person.

1:14:33

From what I from what I see, from what I

1:14:33

know.

1:14:35

So do you believe that optimism and grief

1:14:35

can exist at the same time?

1:14:37

Always been.

1:14:42

it has to.

1:14:45

I mean it did for me. I think we talked

1:14:45

about this before,

1:14:49

Travis. I mean, I was literally

1:14:49

Abercadaver was came out.

1:14:54

I was visiting an area that had not really

1:14:54

seen or heard about the book

1:14:59

and I had appointments, I had bookstores

1:14:59

to go to,

1:15:02

I had events planned, I had ~ I had all of

1:15:02

this going on.

1:15:07

And then bam.

1:15:11

I was like, okay.

1:15:14

And I had two appointments that day that I

1:15:14

canceled.

1:15:19

So we also talked about how it's really

1:15:19

interesting

1:15:26

and we have to be really careful about

1:15:26

this,

1:15:28

you know, people

1:15:31

will pretend that everything's okay.

1:15:35

And that's when we need to get super

1:15:35

vulnerable with them about our lives

1:15:41

and give them a per permission to be able

1:15:41

to share.

1:15:44

Okay. And if we see that they need help,

1:15:48

then you know what? Have them agree that

1:15:48

they do and then get them

1:15:52

the help that they need. You know?

1:15:55

Because if they're good at bullshitting

1:15:55

and they're good at,

1:15:57

you know,

1:15:58

acting well guess what they're gonna act

1:15:58

in front of any doctor to

1:16:02

get them whatever they need whether it's

1:16:02

prescriptions or whether it's

1:16:06

no prescriptions at all right so I think

1:16:06

we have to be ~ the people that

1:16:12

we care about we actually have to be their

1:16:12

best friend too all the time

1:16:17

and check in with people see how they're

1:16:17

doing all the things just check in.

1:16:23

You know what does it take?

1:16:27

Nowadays with the text, I was just blown

1:16:27

away,

1:16:31

honestly. I mean, and it and it was

1:16:31

disappointing to me.

1:16:33

And in some ways it still is. There were

1:16:33

so many people that I knew,

1:16:37

you know, in this community that never

1:16:37

really reached out to me after.

1:16:42

Now it could be because I was the one that

1:16:42

was there and they're that maybe they're

1:16:46

playing a blame game. I don't know what it

1:16:46

is.

1:16:51

But guess what? It was huge.

1:16:55

It was a massive thing that I went

1:16:55

through.

1:16:57

And they knew how close it was.

1:17:01

It's

1:17:01

Reach out, say, Hey, how you doing?

1:17:03

Thinking about you. You okay? It's all it

1:17:03

takes.

1:17:07

Doesn't take much more.

1:17:08

Yeah, and

1:17:09

no, not at all. And it's I have a friend

1:17:09

that we've you know,

1:17:15

we've both dealt with anxiety and

1:17:15

depression pretty bad and

1:17:22

I check in on him quite quite on a regular

1:17:22

basis because I know how he gets.

1:17:27

And he's actually ~ my concert going buddy

1:17:27

when

1:17:33

I'm not flying solo. But there'll be times

1:17:33

where like,

1:17:37

hey buddy, how are you doing today?

1:17:39

Like, I'm okay. I'm like, no, how are you

1:17:39

really doing today?

1:17:43

So he'll he'll tell me and go into

1:17:43

details.

1:17:44

There you go.

1:17:46

And he's actually told me before,

1:17:48

because I I know I get kind of annoying

1:17:48

with those texts.

1:17:53

And I've told him that, I'm like,

1:17:54

I know, I know I get annoying,

1:17:56

but I really do care about you.

1:17:57

And he said, No, it's not annoying 'cause

1:17:57

you're one of

1:18:03

the only people who reach out to me and

1:18:03

actually care as deep as you do.

1:18:07

So I won't let it go away. Like I I just

1:18:07

keep doing it.

1:18:10

If I told him if he ever gets I get to the

1:18:10

over the top,

1:18:14

just tell me to stop. And and I said,

1:18:18

I won't cut ties, but I'll stop.

1:18:20

Might be for a week or two and you'll get

1:18:20

it again,

1:18:22

but you'll still hear from me.

1:18:26

That's beautiful. And I learned a lesson

1:18:26

in losing someone in my life that

1:18:30

I said I can't handle being all these

1:18:30

calls every day.

1:18:35

You know? It was her way of connecting and

1:18:35

I just was overwhelmed by it and severed.

1:18:40

You know, and that's a long, long time

1:18:40

ago.

1:18:43

But I you know, you learn, I mean,

1:18:46

you learn through life and relationships

1:18:46

that we build are really precious.

1:18:51

And you know, I have a friend who has a

1:18:51

huge community of people,

1:18:55

and the other day she said

1:18:56

to me because I said, you know,

1:18:58

I get I do get really upset if I'm the one

1:18:58

who always does the calling.

1:19:04

And there are some people who are like

1:19:04

that,

1:19:06

right? And I said, I really feel like it

1:19:06

it ought to be a two way thing.

1:19:07

Mm-hmm.

1:19:12

Right? Her comment to me was really

1:19:12

interesting.

1:19:17

She said, Terry, let me tell you

1:19:17

something.

1:19:19

I do eighty percent of the calling.

1:19:23

People don't reach out to me. Now this

1:19:23

person in particular

1:19:27

has so many people in her life.

1:19:30

It's outrageous the communities she's

1:19:30

built around her,

1:19:35

you know? And the kids and the family and

1:19:35

all of that.

1:19:39

And it's and it's beautiful in its own

1:19:39

right.

1:19:42

And it's to me super like super

1:19:42

overwhelming.

1:19:45

I mean, I have a sister who thinks I just

1:19:45

have so many friends and

1:19:48

she doesn't know the half of it.

1:19:50

It's like, you know.

1:19:52

Like I feel like I have nobody,

1:19:54

you know, and I do, and I know I do,

1:19:56

but they're just again, they're just so

1:19:56

spread out.

1:19:58

And there are some people I've chosen not

1:19:58

to stay in touch with.

1:20:02

And I've chosen also to to like you to the

1:20:02

point

1:20:08

you said before, it's really important to

1:20:08

have those parameters

1:20:12

and boundaries around people that don't

1:20:12

exactly support

1:20:13

Mm-hmm.

1:20:19

you. And the

1:20:20

Yeah, if they're

1:20:22

Yeah.

1:20:22

bringing the negative negativity into your

1:20:22

life,

1:20:27

is it you have to weigh out is it is it

1:20:27

worth it?

1:20:31

Yeah. Yeah. And it's and it's not always.

1:20:34

It it just really isn't. Or or you're not

1:20:34

being supported

1:20:38

or someone's minimizing you or,

1:20:41

you know, putting you down in different

1:20:41

ways in a joking manner,

1:20:45

but but it's you know for someone like me

1:20:45

who's been bullied before,

1:20:50

that just that that triggers that real

1:20:50

quick.

1:20:53

Yeah.

1:20:55

And I go, Yeah, no, I don't need that in

1:20:55

my life.

1:20:58

Yeah,

1:20:58

yep. I actually had a friend ~ who you

1:20:58

know,

1:21:03

we went we went to college together and

1:21:03

he's we've always been a group

1:21:09

of guys that just joke around with each

1:21:09

other and yes,

1:21:12

times we take it too har too too far.

1:21:14

That's what people do. But you know,

1:21:17

years later, this was years after college,

1:21:19

I was going through a really, really hard

1:21:19

time.

1:21:22

And I felt inclined to reach out to him or

1:21:22

I maybe he reached out to me.

1:21:25

I can't really rem remember. That's not

1:21:25

doesn't really matter.

1:21:28

But he started joking around and saying

1:21:28

all this stuff

1:21:33

and just kept putting me down.

1:21:36

So I finally text back and said,

1:21:38

you what? I don't need this in my life.

1:21:41

If you want to be an asshole, you can go

1:21:41

do it somewhere else.

1:21:44

I said, but come back to me when you

1:21:44

actually want to talk like an adult.

1:21:51

And so I at that time I was planning on

1:21:51

cutting ties with him.

1:21:55

And I think it was about a week later,

1:21:58

he said, I'm sorry for what you're going

1:21:58

through,

1:22:00

and I'm sorry that I treated you that way.

1:22:02

I should have known better. And ever since

1:22:02

then,

1:22:08

he doesn't joke around like that unless he

1:22:08

knows like,

1:22:12

you know, a joke here and there is fine,

1:22:15

but when it's continue continuing and it's

1:22:15

just downplaying a person,

1:22:20

that's

1:22:21

Yeah. Yeah. But this is where we're at

1:22:21

with a lot of ~ w I mean,

1:22:21

Not okay.

1:22:26

I see it in our society now, you know,

1:22:29

people are one upping each other in

1:22:29

knowledge,

1:22:29

Uh-huh.

1:22:33

they're one upping each other on

1:22:33

experience,

1:22:35

they're one upping each other on travel,

1:22:37

they're one it's like we're ~ it's like

1:22:37

this constant competition that's going

1:22:41

on that I that I see. I see it with kids,

1:22:44

right? So and and I I think also that ~

1:22:45

yeah.

1:22:50

You know, that's ~ it's also in our

1:22:50

sports,

1:22:54

of course, right? Which I get that,

1:22:57

but it belongs there. It's it's a little

1:22:57

bit different.

1:23:00

But when you have kids that are on the

1:23:00

field,

1:23:03

right? You know, listen,

1:23:04

Mm-hmm.

1:23:06

I you know, if someone tries, they try.

1:23:08

They don't necessarily deserve a award if

1:23:08

they're the last.

1:23:13

I don't I don't believe that. I don't

1:23:13

think that inspires a child.

1:23:18

I really don't. So

1:23:20

You know, that's a problem that has been

1:23:20

talked about for a long time.

1:23:24

But there are so many ways we can support

1:23:24

children

1:23:29

now and empower them and and one of the

1:23:29

most important things

1:23:34

is understanding that the magic is inside

1:23:34

of them and it's always been inside

1:23:40

of them. And the magic is inside of us as

1:23:40

adults and it's always been inside of us.

1:23:45

And if we start looking at life a little

1:23:45

bit differently,

1:23:49

that magic

1:23:50

Will start to manifest in many different

1:23:50

ways where you'll be in awe.

1:23:56

You'll just be in absolute awe of what's

1:23:56

happening.

1:23:59

And that's when things get really fun.

1:24:01

Yeah.

1:24:01

Then when you can really you play with the

1:24:01

universe and you just throw things

1:24:07

out there and the synchronicities happen

1:24:07

and you're like you know,

1:24:11

and you just move you move through life

1:24:11

like that and it's really,

1:24:14

really super fun. And 'cause life is

1:24:14

supposed to be fun.

1:24:19

So you

1:24:19

Which is the

1:24:20

way I end my book.

1:24:22

And you actually open

1:24:24

it up for the question that I've been

1:24:24

thinking about.

1:24:27

Really good segue. Is so you've talked

1:24:27

about having an inner wizard.

1:24:34

What does that actually look like in

1:24:34

everyday life?

1:24:40

So I think it's I I think it's a pause.

1:24:43

I think the inner wizard is like a pause,

1:24:47

you know? ~ you're making a decision,

1:24:52

something's kinda big, and and s instead

1:24:58

of just rushing into it, right?

1:25:05

You you look at it from many different

1:25:05

angles and then you listen to yourself.

1:25:11

Just sit with yourself for a minute or two

1:25:11

or five and close your eyes.

1:25:17

Just kind of go go inside into

1:25:23

the silence and see what see what your gut

1:25:23

says to you.

1:25:29

Have that conversation with your best

1:25:29

friend.

1:25:31

You

1:25:35

And see and and and base that decision on

1:25:35

how you think

1:25:40

you would feel of whether it's something

1:25:40

you're gonna do

1:25:45

to someone else or with someone else or

1:25:45

whatever it is.

1:25:49

Right? But do it based on that,

1:25:55

on how you would think you would feel.

1:25:58

And I think that in itself will open up

1:25:58

the door that that

1:26:04

To that kind of communication and build

1:26:04

that muscle

1:26:08

and that strength in the self-talk

1:26:14

and the conversation that you continually

1:26:14

make on a daily basis about

1:26:21

the decisions that are in front of you.

1:26:23

And it will it's a skill,

1:26:26

right? Like anything else, but it's a

1:26:26

skill that you can train your mind

1:26:32

and your body to do.

1:26:34

in terms of listening to yourself,

1:26:37

you know. And then when you start doing

1:26:37

that to other people and

1:26:41

you start slowing things down and actually

1:26:41

listening and connecting with each other

1:26:46

and putting the phones down while you're

1:26:46

with each other.

1:26:49

I mean, I don't know how many

1:26:49

conversations you've been with,

1:26:53

but not once did I pick up my phone and

1:26:53

look at my phone.

1:26:55

Mm mm.

1:26:56

Right? So

1:26:58

And we we sit there, we hold our phones,

1:27:01

right, when we're in the conversation,

1:27:02

we look at them while people are talking

1:27:02

to us.

1:27:04

It pings and we have to look at the text.

1:27:06

Yeah, but it's like right away,

1:27:07

Why is that?

1:27:08

like is it ten s seconds like really gonna

1:27:08

matter or whatever?

1:27:12

Like it's gonna matter if it's an hour

1:27:12

later?

1:27:13

It's un unbelievable.

1:27:14

I I I yeah.

1:27:16

And you have people that get pissed

1:27:18

that you don't think you don't you don't

1:27:18

respond in ten minutes.

1:27:21

I know. It's it's over the top,

1:27:23

a little nuts. And that's why people get

1:27:23

into an accident,

1:27:26

into accidents, because they're texting

1:27:26

while driving,

1:27:30

you know, because they have to respond

1:27:30

right away or they have to see it right

1:27:34

And it all it takes is a split second.

1:27:35

Yeah. I

1:27:36

And that's when the now is so important

1:27:36

too.

1:27:38

When you think about and there's so many

1:27:38

lives.

1:27:41

I mean, my girlfriend

1:27:43

I there one split second, one choice will

1:27:43

change your life,

1:27:48

absolutely change your life. So stay in

1:27:48

the moment,

1:27:52

stay present, enjoy the conversation that

1:27:52

you're in,

1:27:56

look eye to eye, actually listen to

1:27:56

people,

1:27:59

right? Such a different world.

1:28:02

So if we could teach our children that and

1:28:02

make sure that that parameter

1:28:07

is you're going to the dinner table,

1:28:09

here's the basket. Where are your cell

1:28:09

phones?

1:28:13

gonna talk like a family. dad,

1:28:14

come on. No, no, no. I I need to do this.

1:28:15

Hey.

1:28:17

I need to do that. Well not right now,

1:28:19

Yeah, yeah.

1:28:19

you don't. We have an hour and a half

1:28:19

together right now and that's what we're

1:28:22

doing. And we're gonna go around the table

1:28:22

and we can talk about the mantra that

1:28:27

we created as a family. And I want to know

1:28:27

how many times you said that today.

1:28:31

And it's no if you didn't say it at all,

1:28:35

you're not putting anybody down.

1:28:37

Hey

1:28:38

You'll get it next time. Whatever it is,

1:28:40

but just acknowledging people and creating

1:28:40

that mantra for a family,

1:28:43

by the way, really brings a family

1:28:43

together too.

1:28:45

It's pretty neat. Just a little added

1:28:45

thing I gave you,

1:28:47

I love it. Absolutely love it.

1:28:50

Travis. With four kids.

1:28:50

And I my daughter not

1:28:54

too long ago asked my wife and I,

1:28:57

when am I gonna get a cell phone?

1:28:58

I s we're like, Well when you're eighteen

1:28:58

and can purchase it yourself.

1:29:04

And I was like, I'm you're not having when

1:29:04

you're growing up and I said,

1:29:06

Brilliant.

1:29:10

So she can she can hate us when she's a

1:29:10

teenager.

1:29:14

I said

1:29:14

We might have like some family like phone

1:29:14

type thing so when she's out

1:29:18

and about we can know where she's at,

1:29:20

but no, my kids don't get their own until

1:29:20

they can pay for it.

1:29:25

Well, good for you. Good for you.

1:29:27

Wow. That's the first time I ever heard

1:29:27

that.

1:29:28

'Cause it comes with too much trouble.

1:29:30

Yeah, I would think so. Yeah.

1:29:35

Well, I honestly just have a few kind of

1:29:35

follow up questions here.

1:29:40

Just like really simple kind of close it

1:29:40

out questions.

1:29:40

Sure. Of course.

1:29:44

What do you feel is the biggest stigma

1:29:44

when it comes to mental health?

1:29:52

What do I feel is the biggest

1:29:55

s stigma when it comes to mental health.

1:29:59

Did you say thing?

1:30:01

Stigma.

1:30:03

Stigma. Stigma. Got it.

1:30:04

Yeah.

1:30:15

The stigma is that it's wrong to me to be

1:30:15

mentally ill.

1:30:21

That's the stigma.

1:30:26

Very well said.

1:30:27

It's

1:30:27

a stigma. ~ I I mean it's really it's it's

1:30:27

it's that simple.

1:30:32

And the stigma is also the fear.

1:30:37

The fear that we have of the mentally ill.

1:30:42

That's a perception that we have.

1:30:45

That's a feeling. It's like a gut feeling

1:30:45

when we see someone walking

1:30:51

or you know, they're n they're not they're

1:30:51

not right or they're talking

1:30:55

to themselves and and everybody just you

1:30:55

know,

1:30:57

no one wants to help them. Who was it?

1:31:01

really fine.

1:31:04

Keanu Reeves.

1:31:07

sat do you know this story where he sat

1:31:07

down with a mentally ill homeless person

1:31:12

and literally sat down next to him and

1:31:12

started talking to him about his whole

1:31:13

You know, I think I just saw something on

1:31:13

it.

1:31:16

It's a beautiful story. I mean he is an e

1:31:16

extraordinary man.

1:31:21

Extraordinary man. He just built a whole

1:31:21

hospital that's free

1:31:28

for people. He's extraordinary.

1:31:30

Yeah, that's really cool.

1:31:31

Yeah. It's i i you know that's when people

1:31:31

start with that kind of wealth.

1:31:36

They can make so much of a difference in

1:31:36

this world and impact.

1:31:37

So

1:31:41

It's just amazing. And it's beautiful when

1:31:41

they choose to.

1:31:43

yes.

1:31:45

It's really beautiful when they choose to,

1:31:46

yeah.

1:31:48

For sure. And where can where can people

1:31:48

where can people find

1:31:50

What's your next?

1:31:54

out more about you? Where can people find

1:31:54

you on the internet?

1:31:59

Okay, so you'll go to Terry Bean,

1:32:02

www.terrybeanauthor dot com.

1:32:05

And that's where you'll find my books and

1:32:05

a lot of the media and the podcast,

1:32:10

your podcast will be up you know,

1:32:13

once we download it and such. And ~ also

1:32:13

check

1:32:18

out the innermagic club dot com.

1:32:22

Because the innermagic club dot com is

1:32:22

right now a landing page.

1:32:28

~ that has a lot of the building blocks of

1:32:28

the portals that are gonna start

1:32:34

to open up once I launch. ~ and it's quite

1:32:34

it's

1:32:40

quite an investment and it's quite a

1:32:40

undertaking right now.

1:32:45

So but it's fun and it's a mission.

1:32:48

And I really like I said before to your

1:32:48

audience,

1:32:51

I really hope they join me on it because I

1:32:51

think the world deserves more.

1:32:56

And I believe that the children can create

1:32:56

that once they understand that they can.

1:33:03

Vellana agree. I love it. And the last

1:33:03

thing here is we covered

1:33:09

a lot of ground in the conversation

1:33:09

tonight.

1:33:12

Is there anything that you'd like to bring

1:33:12

up that we did not discuss?

1:33:21

~

1:33:25

My goodness, no, I don't think so.

1:33:27

I mean it's an an hour and thirty-two

1:33:27

minutes.

1:33:30

That's amazing, Travis. I think it's the

1:33:30

longest podcast and I think it's because

1:33:34

we just had such an absolutely beautiful

1:33:34

conversation.

1:33:35

Yeah.

1:33:38

I mean it was fantastic. I don't know what

1:33:38

you're gonna do with all of this,

1:33:40

Yeah. ~ no, it's it I all I keep

1:33:41

but it's really fantastic.

1:33:44

it all really raw and I I love these

1:33:44

conversations.

1:33:47

Wow. It's awesome.

1:33:47

That's why I do this.

1:33:49

Yeah. I d I don't think anything.

1:33:51

I think, you know, I I'm hoping that I've

1:33:51

dropped a couple of gems

1:33:56

and if anybody has any questions or wants

1:33:56

to connect with me in any way,

1:34:00

there's the contact page on my website.

1:34:03

I'm really happy and so open to

1:34:03

conversations.

1:34:06

~ you know, I love it. And I'm here to

1:34:06

help anyone I can in any way.

1:34:11

And I'm also here to take any kind of

1:34:14

Criticism and constructive criticism and

1:34:14

advice.

1:34:17

you know, my hand is raised for it all.

1:34:19

I mean you get to a stage where you just

1:34:19

have to,

1:34:21

you know, you know, you're also you're

1:34:21

also we're all on our own journey,

1:34:26

you know, and and allowing for that,

1:34:30

~ that's a big one with the mom who's

1:34:30

ninety-two.

1:34:34

She t you know, I can't tell her what to

1:34:34

do.

1:34:36

She's ninety two years old. Whatever she

1:34:36

wants to do,

1:34:38

she's gonna do. So that's her journey.

1:34:41

And the minute I

1:34:44

That was just amazing sense of freedom.

1:34:46

Amazing. So yeah. So feel free.

1:34:52

Awesome. Well, Terry, thank you so much

1:34:52

for for joining me tonight.

1:34:57

And I know it's a little bit later there

1:34:57

than it is here.

1:35:01

So thanks for bearing with me.

1:35:03

I really admire your optimism and your

1:35:03

happy attitude that

1:35:04

Course.

1:35:09

you seem to carry. I think it's a a great

1:35:09

vibe to have.

1:35:11

You thank you

1:35:12

~

1:35:14

so much. Really appreciate that.

1:35:15

I really do. And this has been lovely.

1:35:18

So thank you. And and best to you and and

1:35:18

your wife and your and your kids.

1:35:23

my goodness, you're gonna have to send me

1:35:23

some kind of a picture.

1:35:24

Thank you. Thank you.

1:35:26

I'm gonna have to send you books,

1:35:28

the whole thing. We'll figure it out.

1:35:30

My hands are full, for sure. And

1:35:30

Yeah. Yeah.

1:35:35

thank you to all those that are listening.

1:35:37

If this episode resonates with you,

1:35:39

please share and leave a review.

1:35:41

Thanks again. Until next time.